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Graffiti Board Archive
May 2003


Sat, May 31, 2003, 7:04:35 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Quoting: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another." -- Ambrose Bierce

    "You could compile the worst book in the world entirely out of selected passages from the best writers in the world." -- G.K. Chesterton

    "Stay at home in your mind. Don't recite other people's opinions. I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "I think we must quote whenever we feel that the allusion is interesting or helpful or amusing." -- Clifton Fadiman

    "To each reader those quotations are agreeable that neither strike him as hackneyed nor rebuke his ignorance." -- H.W. Fowler

    "It is the little writer rather than the great writer who seems never to quote, and the reason is that he is never really doing anything else." -- Havelock Ellis

    "The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." -- Robert Benchley

    "I quote others only the better to express myself." -- Montaigne

    "I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." -- George Bernard Shaw

    "Most anthologists . . . of quotations are like those who eat cherries . . . first pick the best ones and winding up by eating everything." -- Nicolas Chamfort


Fri, May 30, 2003, 6:36:24 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -- Galileo Galilei

    "When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'" -- Sydney J. Harris

    "A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce." -- Don Quinn.

    "Good judgment comes from experience. Sometimes, experience comes from bad judgment." -- Christian Slater

    "I'm just like anyone. I cut and I bleed. And I embarrass easily." -- Michael Jackson


Thu, May 29, 2003, 6:31:26 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." -- Douglas Adams

    "They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." -- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

    "Marry Prince William? I would love that. After all, who wouldn't want to be a princess?" -- Britney Spears

    "Being married means I can [break wind] and eat ice cream in bed." -- Brad Pitt

    "I am so in love with my brother right now!" -- Angelina Jolie

    "Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." -- John Lennon


Wed, May 28, 2003, 10:38:12 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." -- Lily Tomlin.

    "I've just got to maintain my passion for what I do." -- Leonardo Dicaprio

    "I'd love to be a pop idol. Of course, my groupies are now between 40 and 50."-- Kevin Bacon

    "My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything -- even if you have no clue what you're doing." -- Jessica Alba

    "I feel safe in white because, deep down inside, I'm an angel." -- P-Diddy


Tue, May 27, 2003, 6:43:01 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I've always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I'm a little surprised that British intelligence has never approached me." -- Elizabeth Hurley

    "A bit of lusting after someone does wonders for the skin." -- Elizabeth Hurley

    "Boredom is a great motivator." -- Uma Thurman

    "I don't have a boyfriend right now. I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support." -- Anna Nicole Smith

    "I dress for women, and undress for men. -- Angie Dickinson

    "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood." -- Oscar Wilde


Mon, May 26, 2003, 5:25:33 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads." --Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player

    "We have only one person to blame, and that's each other."--Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl.

    "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." -- Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)

    "Ninety percent of the game is half mental." --Jim Wohford

    "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- after being told he looked cool (Yogi Berra).


Sun, May 25, 2003, 11:25:07 AM
Anonymous
    "I would never be in a club that would have me as a member."--Groucho Marx

Sun, May 25, 2003, 6:05:57 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" -- H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

    "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

    "Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

    "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

    "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981


Sat, May 24, 2003, 6:00:07 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house." -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

    "Ya gots to work with what you gots to work with." -- Stevie Wonder

    "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." --Jason Kidd

    "People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000." --Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990

    "I'm the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be!" --Bret Hart


Thu, May 22, 2003, 6:45:02 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "We are the suckiest bunch of suckers that ever sucked!" -- Homer Simpson

    "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." -- George Carlin

    "For those who understand, no explanation is needed . . . For those who don't, none will do." -- Jerry Lewis

    "Don't be so humble, you're not that great." -- Golda Meir

    "Some people look at jerky and say, 'Why?' I look at jerky and say, 'Mmm! Jerky!'" -- Homer Simpson


Wed, May 21, 2003, 6:52:12 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." -- Tommy Lasorda

    "Every relationship I've been in, I've overwhelmed the girl. They just can't handle all the love." -- Justin Timberlake

    "Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows" -- Helen Keller

    "You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." -- Wayne Gretzky

    "Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." -- Garth Brooks


Tue, May 20, 2003, 6:28:37 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" -- Arnold Schwarzenegger

    "The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy". -- Helen Hayes (at 73)

    "Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something." -- Plato

    "Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value." -- Albert Einstein

    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." -- Mark Twain


Mon, May 19, 2003, 6:30:10 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." -- baseball player Pedro Guerrero on reporters

    "We've been working on the basics because, basically, we've been having trouble with the basics." -- Bob Ojeda, baseball pitcher

    "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." -- Yogi Berra, baseball catcher and manager

    "Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win."-- Doug Collins, basketball commentator

    "The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games." -- David Garcia


Sun, May 18, 2003, 8:51:51 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I had gone searching for the truth, and found facts instead. I hate that." -- Anonymous

    "I was playing poker the other night...with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died." --Steven Wright

    "This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it." --unknown

    "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." -- Matt Groening

    "Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon." -- Sir Humphrey Appleby


Sat, May 17, 2003, 8:09:29 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite." -- Dan Quayle

    "Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." -- Ronald Reagan

    "My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -- President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

    "I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back." -- Abraham Lincoln.

    "640k ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates in 1981


Fri, May 16, 2003, 6:46:56 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "In our view, everybody is a potential partner -- until they shoot at us."-- AOL CEO Steve Case.

    "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." -- Pablo Picasso

    "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." -- Steve Wozniak

    "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

    "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet." -- Al Gore


Thu, May 15, 2003, 6:33:03 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" -- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

    "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!" -- Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

    "Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." -- Dave Barry

    "Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours." -- Milton Berle

    "Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair." -- George Burns


Wed, May 14, 2003, 8:00:23 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." -- Kin Hubbard

    "Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." -- Hubert Humphrey

    "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." -- Carl Gustav Jung

    "I dress up for weddings, funerals and fine steakhouses." -- Dan Daly

    "Clean laundry helps the confidence level, which helps the self image, which helps um, you win games, which makes you rich, which leads to greed, which leads to more money, Which causes immense spending, which then triggers high anxiety, which causes a heart attack at the age of 31 and puts you in a coma for 10 years while you lose all of your money and you start at the beginning again!" -- Benjer Petersen


Tue, May 13, 2003, 6:21:26 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Permitted vehicles not allowed." -- Road sign on US 27

    "A bachelor's life is no life for a single man." -- Samuel Goldwyn

    "SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt -- prepare for accident." -- Sign on backseat of Taxi

    "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." -- Terry Venables

    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by." -- Douglas Adams.


Mon, May 12, 2003, 6:27:53 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding." -- Mickey Rivers, baseball player

    "I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife." -- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player

    "If only faces could talk..." -- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl

    "All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium." -- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster

    "Solutions are not the answer." -- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President


Sun, May 11, 2003, 7:35:21 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it? -- Harry News, music reviewer

    "Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old." -- Herb Score, Sportscaster

    "I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding." -- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

    "I don't want to ever, ever do something in life that isn't fun. Ever." -- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Actress, in the February Cosmopolitan.

    "The largest crowd ever in the state of Las Vegas." -- Mark Jones, TV Broadcaster


Sat, May 10, 2003, 5:40:12 PM
Anonymous
    "I've coined new words, like 'misunderstanding' and Hispanically.'" - George W. Bush, speaking at the Radio & Television Correspondents dinner, March 29, 2001

Sat, May 10, 2003, 8:09:02 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." -- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962

    "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something." -- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

    "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money." -- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

    "Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds." -- Frank Bruno, Boxer

    "I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity." -- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House


Fri, May 09, 2003, 6:29:11 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "We're going to move left and right at the same time." -- Jerry Brown, Governor of California

    "I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad." -- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

    "I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to." -- Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

    "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." -- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.


Thu, May 08, 2003, 6:44:28 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

    "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." -- David Acfield

    "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

    "The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games." -- David Garcia, baseball team manager

    "Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison." -- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983


Wed, May 07, 2003, 9:09:02 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." -- Bill Peterson, football coach

    "The internet is a great way to get on the net." -- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

    "Football players win football games." -- Chuck Knox, football coach

    "Most lies about blondes are false." -- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

    "If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime." -- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President


Tue, May 06, 2003, 6:26:37 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

    "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." -- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

    "The team has come along slow but fast." -- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

    "I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5." -- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

    "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." -- Charles De Gaulle, former French President


Mon, May 05, 2003, 6:27:24 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less." -- Nicholas Murray Butler.

    "Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."-- W.C. Fields.

    "When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?" -- Douglas Gauck.

    "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." -- J.P. Getty.

    "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." -- Matt Groening.

    "I'm gonna live forever, or die trying." -- Joseph Heller (Catch 22).


Sun, May 04, 2003, 7:34:11 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "We're just physically not physical enough." -- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

    "Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon." -- Detroit Daily News

    "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

    "Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not there?" -- Driver school applicant

    "The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." -- Dwight Eisenhower


Sat, May 03, 2003, 6:38:32 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die." -- Mel Brooks

    "Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." -- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

    "I invented the internet". -- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

    "Two grand slams in a week -- man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there." -- Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

    "You guys line up alphabetically by height." -- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach


Fri, May 02, 2003, 8:27:53 AM
And I Quote . . .
    "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

    "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." -- George Bush, former U.S. President

    "It is white." -- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in London

    "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." -- George Gobel

    "If you think it was an accident, applaud." -- Geraldo Rivera, talk show host, to his audience on Natalie Wood's drowning.


Thu, May 01, 2003, 10:21:54 PM
The Mitch
    Q: Why does Edward Woodward have 4 D's in his name?

    A: Because otherwise his name would be Ewar Woowar!


Thu, May 01, 2003, 6:28:51 AM
And I quote...
    "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing -- but none of them serious." -- Alan Minter, Boxer

    "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." -- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

    "How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." -- Anonymous Manufacturer

    "This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." -- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

    "During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." -- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian



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