Graffiti Board Archive
August 2003

Q: What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark?
A: "Now I herd everything."

Q: Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic?
A: They kept saying neigh.

Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: The cheetah.

Q: Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
A: Noah was sitting on the deck.

Q: Who was the first canning factory run by?
A: Noah -- he had a boat full of preserved pairs

Q: Was Noah the first one out of the Ark?
A: No, he came fourth out of the ark.

Q: Why weren't there any worms on the arc?
A: Because worms come in apples not in pairs.

Q: Where did Noah keep the bees?
A: In the ark hives.

Q: Where was Noah when the lights went out?
A: In d'ark.

Q: Why couldn't Noah catch many fish?
A: He only had two worms.

Q: Did you hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
A: One was a-salted.

Q: Why did the dolphin kill himself?
A: He had no porpoise in his life!

Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret to a pig?
A: Because he's a squealer!

Q: What do you call a cow who has had a abortion?
A: Decalfinated.

Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder.

Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
A: I wanna get a head!

Q: Why did the ram go off the end of the cliff?
A: Because he didn't see the ewe turn.

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he gets a hole in one.

Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
A: Thunderware.

Q: There was a big moron and a little moron sitting on a fence. The big moron fell off. Why?
A: The little moron was a little more on.

Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.

Q: What's a Wok?
A: Something you throw at a Wabbit.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.

Q: Where did they first make French Fries?
A: In grease.

Q: What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
A: He got a little behind in his work.

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.

Q: Why can't Irishmen ever be attorneys?
A: They can never make it past the bar.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
A: It is two tired.

Q: Did you hear about the circus fire?
A: It was intense.

Q: What happened when the cow jumped over a barbed wire fence?
A: Udder destruction!

Q: What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
A: He let out a little wine.

Q: Why is 6 scared of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9 and 10.

Q: What is green and has wheels?
A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
A: Take me to your weeder!

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: How do you catch a unique animal?
A: Unique up on him.

Q: Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
A: Because he was shellfish

Q: Have you heard the joke about the bed?
A: It hasn't been made up yet.

Q: What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
A: A dog with spare parts.

Q: What did the girl melon say to the boy melon when he proposed to her?
A: We're too young . . . we cantaloupe.

Q: What's long and brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: Did you hear about the Olympic Gold Medal winner from Poland?
A: He loved his medal so much he had it bronzed.

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.

Q: How can you tell who's the groom at a Polish wedding?
A: He's the one with the clean bowling shirt.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.

Q: How are a chicken and a grape alike?
A: They are both purple . . . except for the chicken.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.

Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: They all have phones.

Q: Why do bees hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.

Q: Where do you find a no legged dog?
A: Right where you left him.

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Q: Where do you get virgin wool from?
A: Ugly sheep.

Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: Why do bagpipers march when they play?
A: They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
A: Does this taste funny to you?

I like your approach . . . now let's see your departure.

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.

Q: Where does a general keep his army?
A: In his sleevy.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Q: What is a zebra?
A: 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka.

Q: ...and what kind of lettuce?
A: Iceberg.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: "Dam."

Q: What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.

Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
Q: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Did you know that name-dropping is the worst thing you can do? My friend Bobby DeNiro told me so.

A horse enters a bar and walks over to the bartender, the bartender looks at the horse and says, hey buddy, why the long face?

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey."
The horse says "Sure."

Q: Why didn't Cuba have a team in the Olympics?
A: Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America.

Q: What do you call a bee that produces milk?
A: A boobee

Q: When do you have the right to scold your coffee?
A: When you have sufficient grounds.

Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk.

Q: What do the letters DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during his root canal?
A: He wanted to transcend dental meditation.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.

Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A pool table.

Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: A buccaneer.

Q: If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're IN the bathroom?
A: European.

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.

Q: How do you get holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.

A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station. So why do they call it a workstation.

Q: What's the difference between a tennis ball and the Prince of Wales?
A: One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown in the air.

Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
A: The wedding was terrible, but the reception was great.

Q: What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
A: Anyone can mash potatoes.

Q: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don't know and I don't care.

Q: What do you call a midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large.

Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A rottweiler.

Q: Did you hear about the ship that ran aground carrying a cargo of red and black paint?
A: The whole crew was marooned.