Wake up, Polly Parrot.


Graffiti Board Archive
August 2003

Sun, Aug 31, 2003, 10:34:46 AM
Groaners, Special Noah edition
    Q: What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark?
    A: "Now I herd everything."

    Q: Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic?
    A: They kept saying neigh.

    Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
    A: The cheetah.

    Q: Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
    A: Noah was sitting on the deck.

    Q: Who was the first canning factory run by?
    A: Noah -- he had a boat full of preserved pairs

    Q: Was Noah the first one out of the Ark?
    A: No, he came fourth out of the ark.

    Q: Why weren't there any worms on the arc?
    A: Because worms come in apples not in pairs.

    Q: Where did Noah keep the bees?
    A: In the ark hives.

    Q: Where was Noah when the lights went out?
    A: In d'ark.

    Q: Why couldn't Noah catch many fish?
    A: He only had two worms.

Sat, Aug 30, 2003, 8:21:44 AM
    Q: Did you hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
    A: One was a-salted.

    Q: Why did the dolphin kill himself?
    A: He had no porpoise in his life!

    Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret to a pig?
    A: Because he's a squealer!

    Q: What do you call a cow who has had a abortion?
    A: Decalfinated.

Fri, Aug 29, 2003, 6:18:12 AM
    Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
    A: Because the cow has the udder.

    Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
    A: I wanna get a head!

    Q: Why did the ram go off the end of the cliff?
    A: Because he didn't see the ewe turn.

Thu, Aug 28, 2003, 6:27:25 AM
    Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    A: In case he gets a hole in one.

    Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
    A: Thunderware.

    Q: There was a big moron and a little moron sitting on a fence. The big moron fell off. Why?
    A: The little moron was a little more on.

Wed, Aug 27, 2003, 6:13:00 AM
    Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
    A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.

    Q: What's a Wok?
    A: Something you throw at a Wabbit.

    Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
    A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.

Tue, Aug 26, 2003, 6:15:28 AM
    Q: Where did they first make French Fries?
    A: In grease.

    Q: What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
    A: He got a little behind in his work.

    Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
    A: Nothing, they just waved.

Mon, Aug 25, 2003, 6:28:35 AM
    Q: Why can't Irishmen ever be attorneys?
    A: They can never make it past the bar.

    Q: Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
    A: He pasta way.

    Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
    A: It is two tired.

Sun, Aug 24, 2003, 6:09:09 AM
    Q: Did you hear about the circus fire?
    A: It was intense.

    Q: What happened when the cow jumped over a barbed wire fence?
    A: Udder destruction!

    Q: What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
    A: He let out a little wine.

Sat, Aug 23, 2003, 8:46:54 AM
    Q: Why is 6 scared of 7?
    A: Because 7 8 9 and 10.

    Q: What is green and has wheels?
    A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.

    Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
    A: Take me to your weeder!

Fri, Aug 22, 2003, 6:14:38 AM
    Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
    A: Cell phones.

    Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    A: Frostbite.

    Q: How do you catch a unique animal?
    A: Unique up on him.

Thu, Aug 21, 2003, 6:19:43 AM
    Q: Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
    A: Because he was shellfish

    Q: Have you heard the joke about the bed?
    A: It hasn't been made up yet.

    Q: What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?
    A: A dog with spare parts.

Wed, Aug 20, 2003, 6:16:42 AM
    Q: What did the girl melon say to the boy melon when he proposed to her?
    A: We're too young . . . we cantaloupe.

    Q: What's long and brown and sticky?
    A: A stick.

    Q: Did you hear about the Olympic Gold Medal winner from Poland?
    A: He loved his medal so much he had it bronzed.

Tue, Aug 19, 2003, 6:21:58 AM
    Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
    A: Because they have big fingers.

    Q: How can you tell who's the groom at a Polish wedding?
    A: He's the one with the clean bowling shirt.

    Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
    A: Ground beef.

Mon, Aug 18, 2003, 6:19:43 AM
    Q: How are a chicken and a grape alike?
    A: They are both purple . . . except for the chicken.

    Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    A: Frostbite.

    Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
    A: A pachydermatologist.

Sun, Aug 17, 2003, 9:49:55 PM
    Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
    A: They all have phones.

    Q: Why do bees hum?
    A: Because they don't know the words.

    Q: Where do you find a no legged dog?
    A: Right where you left him.

Sat, Aug 16, 2003, 8:38:58 AM
    Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    A: A nervous wreck.

    Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    A: Anyone can roast beef.

    Q: Where do you get virgin wool from?
    A: Ugly sheep.

Fri, Aug 15, 2003, 6:18:48 AM
    Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
    A: Quatro sinko.

    Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
    A: Spoiled milk.

    Q: Why do bagpipers march when they play?
    A: They're trying to get away from the noise.

Thu, Aug 14, 2003, 7:06:52 AM
    Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
    A: Does this taste funny to you?

    I like your approach . . . now let's see your departure.

    Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
    A: They take the psycho path.

Wed, Aug 13, 2003, 6:22:11 AM
    Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
    A: Nacho Cheese.

    Q: Where does a general keep his army?
    A: In his sleevy.

    A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
    The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Tue, Aug 12, 2003, 6:18:29 AM
    Q: What is a zebra?
    A: 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

    Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
    A: Sanka.

    Q: ...and what kind of lettuce?
    A: Iceberg.

Mon, Aug 11, 2003, 6:31:48 AM
    Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
    A: "Dam."

    Q: What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A: A carrot.

    Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
    Q: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

Sun, Aug 10, 2003, 8:23:12 AM
    Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
    A: Subordinate Clauses.

    Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
    A: Cell phones.

    Did you know that name-dropping is the worst thing you can do? My friend Bobby DeNiro told me so.

Sat, Aug 09, 2003, 9:38:47 AM
    A horse enters a bar and walks over to the bartender, the bartender looks at the horse and says, hey buddy, why the long face?

    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey."
    The horse says "Sure."

    Q: Why didn't Cuba have a team in the Olympics?
    A: Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America.

Fri, Aug 08, 2003, 6:27:14 AM
    Q: What do you call a bee that produces milk?
    A: A boobee

    Q: When do you have the right to scold your coffee?
    A: When you have sufficient grounds.

    Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
    A: A walk.

Thu, Aug 07, 2003, 6:18:44 AM
    Q: What do the letters DNA stand for?
    A: National Dyslexics Association.

    Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

    Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
    A: The taste.

Wed, Aug 06, 2003, 6:28:41 AM
    Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during his root canal?
    A: He wanted to transcend dental meditation.

    Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
    A: A stick.

    Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
    A: A pool table.

Tue, Aug 05, 2003, 6:26:19 AM
    Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
    A: A buccaneer.

    Q: If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're IN the bathroom?
    A: European.

    Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
    A: He's all right now.

Mon, Aug 04, 2003, 6:56:01 AM
    Q: How do you get holy water?
    A: Boil the hell out of it.

    A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station. So why do they call it a workstation.

    Q: What's the difference between a tennis ball and the Prince of Wales?
    A: One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown in the air.

Sun, Aug 03, 2003, 8:10:42 AM
    Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

    Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
    A: He sold his soul to Santa

    Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
    A: Polaroids.

Sat, Aug 02, 2003, 6:17:41 AM
    Q: Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
    A: The wedding was terrible, but the reception was great.

    Q: What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
    A: Anyone can mash potatoes.

    Q: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
    A: I don't know and I don't care.

Fri, Aug 01, 2003, 6:24:05 PM
    Q: What do you call a midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison?
    A: A small medium at large.

    Q: What has four legs and one arm?
    A: A rottweiler.

    Q: Did you hear about the ship that ran aground carrying a cargo of red and black paint?
    A: The whole crew was marooned.

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