INTERNET ALERT!

Yes, it's really happening!  As reported in alt.fan.mike-jittlov by
          -* Lance Smith (lsmith@hecto.cs.umn.edu) *-

"THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME" is now being distributed by your
 friendly door-to-door ding-dong corporation - AVON!  And for just
 $9.95, through the Family Connections catalog, starting now!

Call 800-858-8000 (24-hour number) and ask for a representative.
 Video sales are a new item, and WIZARD is in Campaign 14.  You can
 order by phone, but there's a $3.50 shipping charge.  Or order
 through a local Avon rep, and you can get it delivered to your
 door. (And if you're a rep, or know one, it's just $4.98!)

Now, there is NO excuse!  Everybody who keeps sending email asking
 HTH I got my own NewsGroup and what are we talking about can
 actually buy the entire feature, for the price of a large tub of
 theater-grade styrofoam-popcorn.

And what, exactly, IS this "WIZARD..etc" feature?

WIZARD is without doubt the most Hollywood movie ever made - filmed
 throughout the Dream Capitol, in Hollywood offices and Hollywood
 movie lots, inside a Hollywood garage, up in the Hollywood Hills
 and ON the actual Hollywood Sign, with a bizarre chase scene down
 Hollywood Boulevard in pursuit of a native Hollywoodian!

It features many of the hyper-creative filmshorts that inspired a
 lot of music videos, TV ads, and a suspiciously large number of
 identical scenes and shots in THE FLASH pilot/movie (which cost 6
 times more than WIZARD, and had only 1/4 of our effects shots).

WIZARD's won 6 awards, outstanding media reviews, and instigated
 seven reported marriages.  It spotlights the original George Pal
 Time Machine, a lot of Disney renegades and other famous talents,
 and type-casting galore.  It stars an actress (Miss Virginia) as an
 actress, a music genius as a music genius...and the man who
 insisted on playing the slimey, embezzling, sociopathic executive
 in the feature was also our production's Chief Financial Officer.
 It also stars an everynerd-geek-wonk acting as himself (as well as
 writing, directing, editing, doing all the effects, and 125 other
 jobs) in one of the oddest vanity productions ever realized.

How come you never heard of it until now?  That is a tale of such
 bizarre Hollywood intrigue, you would laugh in my face out loud
 with agape disbelief.  Even _I_ would not believe this nightmare,
 if I didn't have the scars and scads of Evidence.

WIZARD is _not_ to be confused with "The Wizard", the combination
 feature and Universal/Nintendo commercial, which "coincidentally"
 came out at the same time distributor SGE chose to release our
 WIZARD. ...Releasing it in just one theater, in Boston, for three
 midnight shows only, without promotion.  When our film suddenly got
 excellent reviews, around-the-block lines, and the manager showed
 it six shows a day, SGE yanked WIZARD and dumped it to very limited
 video release.  SGE is _real_ close friends with Universal, BTW.
 Coincidentally.

Just because I have not received a dime from WIZARD's distribution,
 nor signed a deal with its alleged distributor  doesn't mean that YOU shouldn't order a copy of this "cult-
 classic" for yourself, for your family, your friends, or foes (it's
 hard to get out of your mind, so apply it carefully).  It's one of
 those all-purpose, all-audience-pleasing, near-mythical
 internationally entertaining movies.

And get it WHILE YOU CAN, in the SGE :P box (soon to be a rare
 collector's item, when that company goes deep-six >;D)!

If Avon realizes our WIZARD is a potential sleeper and surprising
 moneymaking gem, they will finally return my calls or answer my
 letters.  And THEN...  Stay tuned, for Part 2.  This could be a
 really interesting adventure.

 ________________________________________ ___._`.*.'_._ ________
  Mike Jittlov - Wizard, etc       .   . +  * .o   o.* `.`. +.
   Hollywood, CA 90026-2714       '   *  . ' ' |\^/|  `. * .  *
 jittlov@gumby.cs.caltech.edu  (: May All Your  \V/  Good Dreams
   <& alt.fan.mike-jittlov>    and Fine Wishes  /_\  Come True:)
 ============================================= _/ \_ ===========

Email will be appreciated, regarding Avon's WIZARD distribution and
 prices outside the USA (Avon inhabits 28 other countries).