INTERNET ALERT - Part 2

"THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME" is now being distributed by your
 friendly door-to-door ding-dong corporation - AVON!  And for just
 $9.95, through its Family Connections catalog, starting now!

Call 800-858-8000 (a 24-hour number) and ask for a representative.
 Video sales are a new item, and WIZARD is in Campaign 14.  You can
 order by phone, but there's a $3.50 shipping charge.  If you order
 it through a local Avon rep, WIZARD will be delivered to your door.
 (And if you're a rep, or know one, it's just $4.98!)

                   From the Email Mountain:

[7 messages] Don't you have anything better to sell than VHS?

I'm not selling this.  I earn the same income from WIZARD sales as
 I earn from InterNet iconship [zero].  I never signed a
 distribution deal with ANYONE for my feature, and all sales are
 illegal.  That situation may soon change, and this Avon-SGE
 chessgame is the key. Get the video while you can.  WIZARD's SGE
 box _alone_ may be worth the money.  (Consider that I've been
 offered $2000 for my Kellogg's Sugar Smacks box, with Star Trek's
 Mr. Spock on the cover.)

[3 messages]  I heard it's in pan-and-scanned EP, which I don't
 care for.  Can't I just send you a tape and pay you for a personal
 copy?

Pretend I'm a professional movie director-writer-producer, who has
 no time (or equipment) for this.  WIZARD is probably not P&S - the
 crooks wouldn't spring for that, and I framed our film for TV as
 well as theatrical ratio.  And whether EP/LP/SP/LD/etc, WIZARD is
 a very rare unicorn, so treasure it wherever and whenever you can
 find it -it still delights the eye and spirit.  If this adventure
 results in competent and capable legal representation, then I will
 regain my work, have the wherewithal to finally complete it, and
 hopefully release a CAV laserdisk version with lots of behind-the-
 scenes and out-take footage.  Which will make any previous (and
 unauthorized) version a collector's item.  If you can find the
 SGE/Image laserdisk, buy it (since only 6000 disks were made, until
 Image probably learned that I never assigned anyone my copyrights).

[15 messages] If I buy a video and send it, will you autograph it?

Sure - up until the end of June.  There isn't much space on the
 cover, so it'll just be my name, or something like "Wizardly - Mike
 Jittlov". Write out your desires (G-rated), and send it in a
 returnable mailer, with adequate return postage (US stamps), and
 your return address on a sticker-label.  My autograph is free.

Just send the box (which I think can be flattened).  Don't send the
 tape, since:  you are entrusting it to the whims of the USPO ("Hey,
 let's store these on that electromagnetic stamp-
 canceller/compactor"); my mailbox will be jammed; I don't have
 spare time to stand in the PO lines just to return this favor; it
 will cost more money, all around. Do not send money - I don't
 accept charity.

                         (More to come!)