Sylvia Hoerner: The Music Wing

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Cover by Myriam Kuehn

Tobin/Tamir: The Outer Me

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The Outer Me

So quietly you've closed the door
And left my room towards your own...
You say, it's just to prevent gossip
And that I'd better sleep alone,
It seems as if my dream came true
In which you went away.
I never really dared to hope,
That someday, you would stay.

Oracle's queen is born at last
I tell the mirror and I cry,
I feel, the one, who's face I stole
Was not the only one to die.
Outside they call their new queen's name
still in the mirror, Tobin cries
Because the life he used to live
Was built of silly dreams and lies.

My own eyes in that strange, pale face
And Illior's crescent on my chin
Remind me, I'm just fortunes chessman
hidden warrior, bone doll's twin
I'm so frightened of that body;
of that girl, I'm asked to be
and most of all I fear, you'll leave
cause you can't stand the outer me.

Refrain:
I haven't changed at all!
Look behind that mask and see!
I haven't changed at all
What's changed is just the outer me!

They need me to fulfill their legend
But I still feel like a boy
Who's pressed into a womans shape,
And who feels just like a toy,
Like the wizards aimless dummy,
Like a puppet on a string.
And I wish, that you would stay
I wish that more, than anything.

Till yesterday I used to wonder,
when my beard would finally grow
Now I'm stuck inside a dress
Said to be someone, I don't know.
Your Tobin didn't go away
He's still hidden, deep inside.
You said, you'd follow me til death
Now look at me! I haven't died!

Don't think, that I'm not scared to death
I feel damn helpless and confused.
But I so wanted to trust in my friends
I learned too late, that I've been used.
And right now I cannot believe in love
Or anything, that's pure and true
I only know, my feelings haven't changed.
Not when it comes to you.

Refrain:
I haven't changed at all!
Look into my eyes and see!
I haven't changed at all
What's changed is just the outer me!

Bridge:
I wasn't taught to put a bodice on
They taught me, how to fight.
And I feel stupid, cause I pray
One day I'll be my squire's bride.
I need you to be by my side
Not just inside my castles wall
Tamír loves you, like Tobin did
I haven't changed at all.

Refrain:
I haven't changed at all!
Close your eyes -- your heart will see!
I haven't changed at all
What's changed is just the outer me!

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