Question of the Month
copyright 2001 by Alicia Rasley
Ask me anything.... about writing, that is. It's all I know.
No more commas this month, I'm sure you're glad to hear! This time, it's how to vary description of a repeated action, and how to leaven non-stop action (is that really a problem? <G>) with some contemplation time, and what an editor might mean by "convoluted", which I suspect is a term only editors ever use.
Want some old questions? Click here for an archive.I'm writing my first novel, much of which involves pranks and funny, real experiences from my teenage years. My question is this: in the telling of these humorous events, how do I let my audience know that the characters are 'rolling on the floor, in laughter' without repeating phases such as 'they all laughed', 'John laughed heartily', etc. How can I let the story tell of their laughter rather than the author telling it?
uestion:
By the way, your articles have helped me go from someone who wants to write a book, to someone who now feels, with patience and an open mind, I can become a good writer.
Roger
nswer:
Roger: Good question!
Try to just vary your description as much as possible. For example, you might say that one character's eyes were "almost closed with mirth" and that another grabbed his stomach as if he were in pain and begged, "Stop it!" Or you could say, "John waited until the laughter faded and said, 'Takes one to know one,' which sent them all into renewed gales of amusement." IOW, sometimes show it with a physical action (holding his stomach), and sometimes go with sound, and sometimes come right out and say, "They laughed uproariously."
This is hard for me too, because laughter is very precise-- it's not "giggling" or "chortling" really, so there aren't any true synonyms to use as substitutes. So think about different physical ways to show it-- like "when the punch line hit him, the milk he just drank came bubbling out of his nose," or "Tom slapped his leg in hilarity," and then go with different sounds each makes-- like maybe Tom guffaws and Joey chortles. And then work with the way laughter makes people look-- "his face screwed up as he tried to contain his amusement"... all that should give you about 12 different laughter descriptions.
You can also have characters underplaying their amusement, like one character might just say, "Very funny, Tom" and shake his head with a slight smile on his face. Maybe with that character that's the equivalent of hysterical laughter. :)
The English language is huge, but sometimes I think I'd like to make up a few new words when I find myself getting repetitive!
Best of luck--
Alicia
Hi Alicia,
I just found your site from a link from Suite 101, and I am so glad
I found it!
I have a question for the question of the month. My problem is not
how to add more tension or conflict -- I have too much of that. My
problem is, how to I give my readers a break, a breather from all the
tight, high emotional tension? I haven't been able to find an answer in any of my books on writing.....
C R
CR--
Boy, I wish I had that problem. :) I was just thinking of how hard it is to balance "loud and soft"-- the dramatic scenes with the quieter scenes.
Just a couple thoughts--
1. Build into the plot some time for contemplation or quiet interaction.This doesn't have to be a week-- even 15 minutes can work. Think of all those films where the good guys are pinned down behind a rock, and the bad guys stop shooting for a few minutes so they can reload or whatever, and the good guys slump back and take a deep breath and exchange a few ironic comments. Then the shooting starts up again, and they take another breath and turn around and shoot back. That little break actually heightens tension afterwards.
- Maybe the trial is only on weekdays, so the weekends are going to be less full of action.
- The preparations for the big parade are halted because the boss has food poisoning and no one else knows where the Rolodex is.
- The meeting is temporarily adjourned while the mayor checks on those figures.
2. Take advantage of the moments you'd usually just not narrate because "nothing happens"--Ordinarily we'd stop the narrative at the moment the action stops and pick it up (a new chapter or scene) when the action starts again-- "When he came back with the coffee" or "The next surgery was easier" or "The next morning". But instead, try narrating those moments and make something quiet but meaningful happen either inside the character's head or in interaction with another character.
- The police officer's relief arrives and he can go get some coffee
- The doctor finishes one surgery and is washing his hands for the next surgery
- The rescuers have to stop for the night and go grab a few hours rest.
3. Make the quiet time meaningful. You might show some reflection on what has just happened in the action-scenes, some fear of what is to come, some plan of action, some regret, some self-doubt... something that is character-revealing and intriguing.
Here's also a chance for the character to put together some understanding of what has happened, to think through any clues, to draw a conclusion of some kind. It's unlikely that when he's being shot at, he's going to have the mental energy to piece together a case against his brother-in-law, but once the shooting pauses, it might all fall into place for him.
In interaction between two characters, it's important to show how the plot action changes or develops the relationship. William Goldman does this well in his script for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. He has Butch gearing up for a big fight, taking only a minute to whisper to Sundance, "If he kills me, you kill him, okay?" and Sundance agrees. This shows something about their relationship-- that Sundance won't intervene to keep Butch from getting killed, but he'll avenge Butch's death.Or they have a moment hesitating on the cliff, just a moment before the posse gets them, but it's enough time for Sundance to confess to his darkest secret... that he can't swim. This shows both his desperation and his trust of Butch. And Butch's response ("You fool! We'll probably die in the fall anyway!") shows his resourcefulness and his unique understanding of Sundance.
4. Let the drama loom over the quiet scene. Don't have the action stop dead with no effect on the contemplation or conversation. They're still affected by what they've just gone through, and will be worrying about what is to come. Think of how people behave in that situation-- in the interlude between action and more action:5. See if you can create some actual plot consequence from what happens in the quiet scene. That is, make that scene, however understated, matter. For example, in the Butch Cassidy scene, Sundance's confession and Butch's reassurance lead to them actually making the big jump off the cliff and into the river, and getting away from the posse.
- They might speak in hushed tones, or make forced jokes, or try to pretend that everything is normal, or light a cigarette with a hand that shakes slightly.
- They might actually go about their regular business, but be distracted by thoughts of what has happened, so maybe they'll stumble or drive through a red light.
- In conversation, they might not speak directly of what's happened, but their tone of voice or choice of words or topics will show that they are not unaffected.
This will mean that the reader gets the breather but also a bit extra-- that revelation or decision that only contemplation can bring.
- So the cop uses the 15-minute coffee break not just to infuse some caffeine, but also to consider what he'd seen in the victim's apartment and recall something that just didn't fit.
- The surgeon washes her hands and decides that yes, she's going to do it, she's going to report that drunk of an anesthesiologist to the medical examining board.
- Two of the rescuers can wander back at dawn to the collapsed building and exchange bits of their personal histories, and then just as they lean together for a kiss, hear the unmistakable rhythm of tapping.
Jack Bickham's book Scene and Structure might be helpful. He suggests using the time after the big scene action for a "sequel" or mini-scene of contemplation, so that the characters have a chance to think things through and reflect on what has happened, and make decisions that lead into the next scene.
All I can add is, non-stop action is a good problem to have! It means you have a lot going on.:)
Alicia
What does it mean when an editor returns a synopsis with the comment that it's "convoluted"? I was aiming it at the Harlequin Temptation line, and it might be that there's just too much plot for that line.
Prunella
Prunella,
If I got a response that a synopsis was "convoluted", I'd be wondering-- is it the synopsis or the plot? That's always the question when an editor isn't wowed by a synopsis. Could just be the synopsis wasn't written right, or it could mean that the synopsis does accurately reflect the plot, and it's the plot that's too complex.
Oh, well, and there's a THIRD consideration, that it's all fine, but not
right for this line, and I think you'd already decided that it wasn't
right for Temptation. That could be all that's the problem. Temptation plots (I'm no expert! just a reader of them) tend to be pretty straightforward, with one major plot problem that is primarily romantic.
Any complicated external plot is going to seem like it's "convoluted"
when the editor is looking for a very clear "throughline".
So the first thing I'd suggest is that it was just a bad fit between
submission and line, which is no help because I think you already decided that! :)
Then again, maybe it's a plot problem. I tend to get pretty convoluted
in plotting, and what I always end up doing is going back after I'm done with a draft and taking out a lot of the blind alleys where the
protagonist thinks she's doing the right thing but it turns out to be the wrong thing. My problem is I tend to do those as full scenes, rather than just summarizing them like "Anne tried to get John to help her, but he refused." (Initially I might have the whole thing of her going to his office, begging him, him thinking about it, calling her later, and saying no. I can make 12 pages out of that. <G>)
I also try to eliminate any needless complication. Needless, to me, is
where it doesn't add to the reader's experience. For example, if I have a mysterious character in there who turns out to be nothing much-- he's just the meter reader, not a mafia hit man-- then if I think everything is too complex, I'll take him out.
I try to write down the actual "throughline" of the central plot and make sure I understand that, and then I look at what else in the book is essential in supporting that, and what's needed (in a suspense/mystery type plot) for the red herring stuff, and then looking at everything else and seeing what can just be dropped.For the synopsis, I try to make a skeleton first of all the major turning points and try to stick to developing those, leaving out most of the subplots or summarizing them if I can't leave them out. I'm getting better at leaving out the "process" and just getting to the "accomplishment", like going with "After a long search, she found the birth certificate, which to her horror showed that she was the daughter of the dictator," rather than detailing the many steps she went through to get to that find. Less is more. Concentrate on the major events and their emotional consequences ("to her horror"), and don't worry about the 80% of the text in between.
If you think your synopses are too complicated, try dictating the storyline into a tape recorder. When you transcribe that, you'll be able to hear what to leave out.
Then again, I'm thinking that very few writers can adequately and concisely summarize their own stories, though they can do it easily to someone else's plot. So I'm thinking of setting up a clearinghouse where writers can trade -- "you write my synopsis, and I'll write yours!" <G>
Alicia
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