Question of the Month
copyright 2001 by Alicia Rasley
Ask me anything.... about writing, that is. It's all I know.
Questions about POV and about query letters.
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uestion:
If I'm in third-person, in the POV of a character, can I "lie"? That is, can I have that person lie in internal monologue, thinking, for instance, that he didn't commit a crime when he did? If I can't do that, how can I keep the reader in suspense about whether he did it or not?
Julie
nswer:
Here's the difference between first-person and third-person. In first person, where the narrator is almost in conversation with the reader, we expect some lying or deliberate misinformation. But in third person, when we are in someone's head, what we "hear" is what they actually think, not what they're "telling" us. Now third-person narrators might think WRONG, or delusional, but they really can't "lie" inside their head.
So if you have him thinking, "Everyone thought he killed Casey, but he didn't," then the reader has every reason to believe that he is telling (thinking :) the truth, at least as far as he knows the truth. The reader will feel sort of discombobulated in a bad
way if she find you "tricked" her later and he really IS the murderer.And if he actually is innocent, but you don't want the reader to know that yet, you don't want him to think straight out that he didn't do the murder. Again, the reader will "know" that as the truth, so the suspense will be gone.
So how do you handle this? What you need to do is set up his internal monologue to kind of avoid the subject until you want the reader to know the truth. Now this has to be plausible. It wouldn't be plausible if he's planning on murdering the heroine, for example, not to think about the plan, because "planning"
means "thinking".But both murderers and those wrongly accused of murders or who think they might be guilty of something related to the murder (like not sufficiently warning Casey he was in danger) are likely to try to avoid thinking about the murder. It's that old devil Denial, which keeps us functioning even when we're consumed with dread or guilt. So consider how he might plausibly block mentally the subject to avoid pain or guilt. You can have him avoid thinking about Casey and their long friendship and that argument they had on the night of the murder....
but the trick is, you have to SHOW him avoiding thinking about it. You have to have him mentally approach the subject and then back away.
Otherwise the reader will just get that he -doesn't- think about it, not that he's avoiding thinking about it. You want the reader to notice that there's this big pink elephant in the middle of the living room of his mind, and he's refusing to look at it. So how do you do that? Maybe he starts to think about Casey, and then forcibly cuts it off and thinks very hard about something else. We won't know if that's pain or if that's guilt... we just know this is a very sore subject with him.For example:
As she planed the oak beam, Jenny wouldn't quit talking about Casey, how terrible it was, how unjust that his life was cut short. Paul could hardly restrain himself from telling her to shut up, to give it a rest. He didn't want to hear it. Casey was gone and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it.
He shouldn't have yelled at him that afternoon. If he'd known that a couple hours later--
Forget it. Don't go there, he told himself. He focused his attention on the cut he was making in the two-by-four. He had to pay attention or he'd cut his hand off too. This was no time to worry about what was past and done and irretrievable.Otherwise the reader will just get that he -doesn't- think about it, not that he's avoiding thinking about it. You want the reader to notice that there's this big pink elephant in the middle of the living room of his mind, and he's refusing to look at it. So how do you do that? Maybe he starts to think about the girl, and then forcibly cuts it off and thinks very hard about something else. We won't know if that's pain or if that's guilt... we just know this is a very sore subject with him.
Have fun with this!
Alicia
Can you give me an example of an effective query letter for a novel? Is there some special format?
Stacy
No special format-- just think "businesslike" and "market-minded". Keep in mind the purpose of your query: to get the editor to ask for a partial/proposal. So think about what will attract the editor-- your credentials, your clarity, your storyline. Stay businesslike, but use your "hot premise" to tantalize.I like to start with either a very business-like opening or one that focuses on the hot marketing element of this book. Here is a sample of each type of query, with my annotations:
Date
Editor name addressDear Name,
I hope you will consider my 75,000-word Regency for your Signet line. POETIC JUSTICE is a complete manuscript, set in London in 1818. If you are interested, I'd like to send you three chapters and a synopsis. This paragraph identifies what the editor needs to know to "type" the book- title, word count, genre. If the manuscript is complete, be sure and say so.
A renegade rare-books dealer and a heiress-in-waiting must embark on a sham betrothal for the loftiest of literary
aims– to prove that Shakespeare really was... Shakespeare. This is the hot premise, the marketing element that should catch the editor's attention. Identify the major characters and/or the dramatic situation. Buzzwords (heiress, sham betrothal) are great here. I put this in its own paragraph for greater effect.John Dryden is on the trail of the greatest acquisition of his checkered career– a play manuscript written in
Shakespeare's own hand. Between him and his prize is an obsessed librarian who wants to destroy it... and the
heiress who can lead him to it – but only if he's willing to risk his independence, his life, and his loner's heart. This paragraph gives a very short little synopsis. Try a situational (plot) sentence hooked to a thematic/emotional sentence.As a rare-books collector myself, I am familiar with John Dryden's trade and the ruthlessness of some of its aficionadoes.
I made this up just for this sample-- I'm not really a rare-books collector! If you have any occupational/avocational credentials that help supply credibility, put them here.
This manuscript won third prize in the Heartland Romance Contest, and an honorable mention in the Regency Chapter's Almacks Contest. Contest wins and other awards and recognitions can help the editor single out this manuscript from the slush pile.If you would like to see more, you can reach me at the address above, during the day at (#), or by email at: (address). This is the "call to action". Make sure you give the editor a couple ways to get hold of you.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Alicia Rasley
Here's the "market-minded" one:Letterhead
Date
Editor name
address
Dear Name,
Terminally ill Jenny Gold is nothing if not efficient in preparing for the worst– unfortunately, so is the hit man she has hired to kill her! Here's the hot premise, placed prominently at the top to attract the market-minded editor.
When voice-over actress Jenny hires a hit man to take her out before the cancer does, it's with the best of intentions. Her life insurance policy, bought just after she heard the bad news, won't pay off for death due to suicide or pre-existing conditions, but pays double for "accidental death," which includes murder. If she must die, she wants to do it in a way that secures the future of her beloved disabled sister Mellie. But just three days before the hit is to take place, her doctor calls with word of an exciting experimental treatment... and the hit man, so easy to find when she wanted to hire him, has disappeared. Her only hope is her ex-husband John, an FBI agent with access to the criminal database. But can she expect help from the straight-arrow ex who will likely regard this as the last in a long series of flakey Jenny disasters– or throw her in jail for soliciting a crime? The short synopsis includes character goal, motivation, and conflit, and ends with a hook. Notice that this is a romance too, and the query identifies the basic romantic conflict.
HIT PARADE, my 100,000-word comic romantic suspense novel, explores with a light touch the dilemma of a woman who gets one last chance for the life she was about to end. I would love to send you a partial or complete manuscript if you're interested in reading more. Here's where you put in all the identifying details-- title and type of book, complete or not, word count. Quick way of determining word count-- multiply your double-spaced page count by 250 and round off to the nearest 5K. It should be close enough.
I am an online journalist, and have been writing fiction for three years. My last book, TRADING PLACES, was a Golden Heart finalist. HIT PARADE is a quirky novel that benefits from anchoring in real-life detail: An FBI agent advised me on aspects of criminal psychology and investigative procedure, and an oncologist gave me expert information about cancer treatment.
If you don't have relevant credentials of your own, stress those of your sources.If you would like to see more of HIT PARADE, you can contact me at the address above, or by email at......... My day-time phone is ............ Thank you for your time and consideration. Again, the call to action tells the editor what to do if she's interested in seeing more.
Sincerely,
Gina Johnson
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