The Magic 8-Ball Says...
The Magic 8-Ball says that I am about to run aground in a spectacularly unpleasant way.
Interesting fact about the 8-Ball: A friend of mine, the infamous Dr. Nigel Nuband, conducted a little research, and discovered that the 8-Ball has twenty possible responses -- and of those, 15 are positive. The other five mix negative and neutral responses. So when you ask your questions, make sure to phrase them so that a positive answer will make you happiest.
PAST 8-BALL PROGNOSTICATIONS
The Magic 8-Ball said ... that I will never have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky -- and so far, it's right.
The Magic 8-Ball said ... that it is unlikely that I will be mauled by a tiger. I have to agree.
The Magic 8-Ball said ... that I was eagerly anticipating the season premiere of "Buffy." It knows me well.
The Magic 8-Ball said ... that there would be snow for Christmas, and darned if it wasn't right.
The Magic 8-Ball said ... that it was gonna party like it's 1999. I can't tell you if it has, because I have to go post bail for it.
The Magic 8-Ball said ... that it's never gonna drink again. I should hope not.