I worked night shift last night--6pm to 6am--and around 3am my Sergeant pulled up beside me and asked me if I could work a detail in the morning from 10 to 2. Not thinking terribly clearly, I said yes, since I can always use the extra money. It wasn't until after he pulled off that I realized that I was going to be getting off of work at 6am, having been up since noon the previous day, and would then have to actually be somewhat coherent and aware until about 2pm. Luckily, though, I managed to grab a couple of hours of nap, and made it to the detail without being too ragged out. I was so afraid I'd oversleep that I didn't dare crawl into my bed, and instead flaked out on the couch, left all the lights on, and had two alarm clocks on the end table.

Then after I finished the detail (which was the oh-so-demanding job of watching people play bingo) I came home and died.

A brief word about bingo. I have to admit, that this was actually my first exposure to bingo--in a real bingo hall, that is. The bingo you play in the car on road trips doesn't count. I think what surprised me the most was the variety of people there. I mean, everyone has this mental image of blue-haired old ladies with their markers and cards all set out in front of them. But, there were all types there. Old, young, white, black, rich, poor. Some wanting to just spend a few hours outside of the house, and others hoping that the twenty or so dollars that they were spending would pay off. In a way it reminded me of the casino, but on a much more relaxed, casual level.

Easy detail though. They fed me, and I got to sit most of the time. Gotta admit, it's nice to be able to pick up extra work so (relatively) easily to earn extra income. Of course, with the salary I make now it's necessary to work a certain number of details, however, it's cool to know that if I want to bust my ass and give up all my days off I can work just about as much as I want. There are some guys who do just that--who hardly ever take any time off and work 2 or 3 details a week. I know one deputy who made almost 15K last year just off of details. Personally, I'll be thrilled if I can snag 4 or 5 details a month. That way I get some money, but still have time off to attend to what little life I have.

"You and me babe, we ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel..."

Okay, I love that song. No idea who sings it, but it's funny as hell and has a great beat.

I sure do listen to the radio a lot more since becoming a cop.

Okay, so I haven't had a date in... a long time. Really long. Back when my divorce was fresh and I was re-entering the dating world, I'd set these high standards for any guy with whom I might go out. Back then I wanted someone who was interested in SF/F, was intelligent, a non-smoker/dipper/tobacco-user, non-drug-user, between 30 and 45ish, in good physical shape, single, with a decent job.

My standards have gradually crept lower. Now I just want a guy who still has most of his teeth, and who isn't a complete loser.

Oh, and who wouldn't have a problem dating a cop.

Yeah, I've eliminated a large majority of the dating pool (as shallow as it already was) with that last caveat. Now I know that none of the guys who read this journal would have any sort of male-ego hangup about that sort of thing, but then we all know that the men who read this journal are intelligent, enlightened, and generally smarter than your average bear, right?

Myke, in his journal, recently put forth the "Can you kill a man" question. It struck me as interesting because, of course, as a law enforcement officer, I'd better be able to pull that trigger when the situation calls for it, and continue to pull it until the threat is eliminated. Almost from day one in the academy, up until graduation, we were drilled, trained, instructed, quizzed, and tested on Use Of Force. Important shit, that. Cop has to know when to do what, and then be able to back it up later in court. Heavy responsibility, you know. But Myke is right--anyone can kill, given the right circumstances and the right provocation. However, for some, that provocation or circumstance might be so extreme that the person would die before that point was reached. As staggering as it is to believe, there really are people out there who do not believe that their own life is worth defending. They do not have enough self-worth to fight back or take a defensive stand.

I know, this isn't what Myke's entry was about at all--his was about good and evil and other profound stuff. But still, it did set me to pondering about this course I have set for my life. I put on armor before going to work. I strap a deadly weapon onto my right side (gun), a semi-deadly weapon onto my left side (baton), and a generally non-lethal weapon in the front (OC spray.) I have this arsenal to choose from, depending on the situation, and I have to make that choice in a split second.

I'm becoming aware of the heavy balance of power and responsibility inherent in being a peace officer. I've already discussed the power to take someone's life. But it really goes way beyond that. Cops have the power to change anyone's life in a matter of minutes. I have the power to completely fuck someone's day up, just by my decision as to whether or not to write a person a ticket for running a stop sign, or in how I choose to settle a dispute between neighbors. Do I tow the woman's car because she didn't have proof of insurance?--Which is completely within my legal rights/responsibilities in the state of Louisiana. Or do I just give her a notice of violation and take her license plate, and then explain to my sarge that I didn't hook her car up because I felt sorry for her. Or, better yet, the ability to exact completely legal retaliation on assholes. You think that the guy who comes out with an attitude, who curses, and insults, and is a general pain in the ass isn't going to get a ticket, or get his shit towed away? (And lest you think I'm being gender-biased, women can be assholes too, and men can generate pity as well.)

It was one of my FTOs who really instilled in me the awareness of how much power cops have. People hate and fear cops because they do hold so much power, and I think that maybe that hate and fear is fostered by cops who don't think about how much impact they have on a particular person's life. They say that with power comes equal responsibility--which is certainly true in the case of cops. But I think that one of the greatest things I learned from this FTO (who, by the way, is one of the toughest, badass cops I know, who won't take shit off of anyone) is that you can be a good, tough, strong cop, and still have empathy and compassion. I hope I never forget that lesson.

Erratic entry today, I see. That's what I get for not posting in a week. The rest of this week I'm going to be making the mad scramble to make my house look somewhat respectable for when Tamela comes to visit. I haven't even begun any of the home improvement projects that I have planned for this palce, so the place still looks like a dump... er, shithole. But I at least want it to be a somewhat clean and orderly shithole for her visit. ;-)