It looks like my readership has dropped off in the past few months--either that or people are only checking my journal once or twice a week now. Understandable given the recent dearth of entries. And here I've done it again and gone nearly a week without posting. Sheesh! I have no excuse anymore. I just need to find my rhythm again.

Rythm. Rhythym. Hmm... I guess rhythm is the right spelling, but somehow it doesn't look right, and I don't have spell-checker on this thing, and I don't feel like reaching my hand the three feet to my right and getting the dictionary to look it up. So, if it really is mispelled, deal with it.

So I've been trying to get my yard and house cleaned up for Tamela's visit. I contemplated briefly just going for the whole White Trash look--which would be easy since I still have cardboard taped over my window, and I'd just have to put a car up on blocks in the front yard to make it complete. But I figured Tamela is going to be experiencing enough disparity coming from Martha Stewart...err, I mean Chiara's house to my house. I spent part of today getting the dog-barf stains out of the carpet, and the dog-smell out of the couch. I really do need to unearth the futon sometime before she gets here. I did at least go buy doggie treats so that she can bribe her way into Zeus's good graces.

And I think I've finally solved my bra problem.

(I bet you didn't even know I had a bra problem!)

Well, the bra problem is only a problem when I wear my ballistic vest. I swear, when I grow up I going to invent a ballistic vest for women with Hooters. The idiots who are inventing the so-called "women's body armor" are under the impression that female cops only come in size b-cup or smaller. Trust me, guys, these puppies don't squish down that far.

So, anyway, I have to strap the vest on good and tight, and squish the Girls down inside it, and when you're wearing the typical underwire bra that women with Hooters have to wear, well... the underwires dig in and cause Pain and big red welts. So, I took the underwires out of one of my bras and tried that. A little better, but still, I had a lot of chafing and binding where all of the straps were.

So, I briefly entertained the notion of just going braless. After all, the vest holds things down enough that they won't go bouncing around in the case of a foot pursuit or some such thing. But, I just know that if I go braless, I'd get shot or in an accident, and they'd be stripping the vest off of me, and the EMTs and the guys on my shift and God hisself would all see that I'd been braless, and I would never hear the end of it.

Luckily though, while shopping with my mother one day, we went into the Jockey store at the outlet mall, and I spied some undergarments that looked like wussy sports bras--similar style, but not tight or binding, and offering zero support. But hell, I don't need support--the vest does that. I just need some covering, and something to soak up sweat where flesh meets flesh. (Yes, there... I know the women all know what I mean, and if you guys still don't know what I'm talking about, email me and I'll 'splain it to you.)

Why do you people read this journal?

And, I started the Body For Life fitness challenge two weeks ago, in my endless attempt to get back to being a hardbody, and to also lose the weight that keeps gradually creeping on (including the ten pounds I gained during the academy.) Several of the guys I work with have been swearing by the program, so I figured I'd give it a try. It's a combination of cardio, weight training, and diet/nutrition, and I figured that if I can put up with the academy for 12 weeks, I can put up with a fitness program for that long. I'm working my ass off, but I tell you what, I'm well pleased with the results so far. I started it two weeks ago, and I've lost 6-8 pounds, and a half inch off my hips and an inch off my waist.

Hardest part for me was getting used to the nutrition program. I keep feeling like I'm eating too much--6 meals a day!--but you're eating good stuff--lots of protein, moderate carbs, low fat, and helthy doses of veggies. And I'm finally getting used to protein/supplement shakes, which is really the only way to do the 6 meals a day--make half of them shakes. I'm using MetRx, the "Extreme Chocolate" flavor, with about two cups of strawberries thrown in. I couldn't stand the vanilla flavor, so I was relieved that the chocolate was actually pretty decent. And with strawberries added, it's actually--dare I say it--good!

And my treadmill even got dusted off for this. I've found that it's a lot easier to make myself do the cardio if I can't find an excuse (like the weather, or time of day.) So now I do my cardio as soon as I wake up--20 minutes or so on the treadmill, about 3 times a week. Then weight training on the alternate 3 days a week. Then a free day, where you get to do or eat whatever you want. Funny thing about the free day though, is that once you start seeing results, you tend to not pig out on your free day. Why waste all that effort?

And, as part of the program, I had my mom take "before" pictures of me in a swimsuit. I tell you what--the sight of those pictures got me into the gym instantly. They're posted on my fridge now. I plan on having my mom take pictures of me every four weeks, so I can chart my progress. And maybe, if I make really good progress, I'll post the before and after pics at the end of the 12 weeks.

Maybe. Not sure if I should inflict the before pics on y'all. I'm not sure I can, in all good conscience, inflict the sight of that much untanned cellulite on the world at large.