My house.

I spent the entire morning going through boxes that had not yet been unpacked (which is a great many of them) looking for my notebook where I keep track of my submissions. As I'd mentioned in yesterday's entry, I had a story come back from Realms of Fantasy, and I want to send it out again. Only problem is that I'm not completely positive where I've sent it already. Three hours later my house was much more organized and unpacked, but I still hadn't found the notebook. Grrr.

I finally gave up and went to go eat with my parents. We went out to eat, since none of us felt like cooking, and there's really not much point in doing a big dinner for just three people. After we got back from eating I did some laundry, and then continued my search for the notebook.

I still haven't found it.

I've been going back and forth on whether to say anything more about the issue of publication and validation that's been going on in our group of journals. I must confess that my feelings are a bit bruised by some things said elsewhere, and I'm beginning to feel like anything I say is going to be mis-read anyway.

But, what the hell.

First off, I should point out that anything I say here is simply my opinion. I'm not saying anyone else's opinion or view is wrong, I'm simply expressing how I feel about how various things affect me. I've always resented close-mindedness of any form, and I'm trying not to indulge in too much of it myself. I firmly believe that there is no One True Way to do anything, be it worship, live, or write. We all have our own reasons for doing everything we do, and just because someone else's reasons are different, doesn't make them wrong.

Having said that, I'll say once more that Yes, I'm trying to sell and publish my stories. However, contrary to popular opinion, I do not believe publication will be Life Changing. It will not clear up my skin, give me good hair, or help me teach my dog to roll over. (If I had a dog.) And I don't really ever recall saying or implying that I thought that way. Just because I want to sell and publish doesn't mean that I'm convinced it will change everything. Give me a little credit, please.

And as far as why I want to sell and publish, I'm going to echo what Jenn said in her journal. I write to communicate to others my thoughts, ideas, dreams and passions. I want others to know and feel what I know and feel.

See, I sometimes walk around my house and talk to myself. I have terrific conversations with myself about a variety of subjects. Yet this is not communication. It's self-expression, and it's a way for me to work through feelings, but it's not communication. Same thing with writing. I can write to work out my thoughts and feelings, but it's not communication until someone else reads it. And I'm arrogant enough to want lots of other people to read my thoughts, fears, dreams and passions--and the easiest way to do that is to play the Game Of Publication.

It's not that way for everyone, I know. I'm not saying it should be. I do feel that everyone should be allowed to play the Game the way they each want to, without fear of being looked down upon or considered neurotic.

Sigh.

That's all.