I think maybe there's something about weekends that pull me into funks. It's not that I have a bunch of idle time or anything, after all I work weekends. And working weekends really doesn't bother me, since I'm don't go "out" much. (There's no place to go out around here.) And I really don't think it's my job, because it's certainly become a lot more pleasant since I went back on graveyard and escaped the poisonous atmosphere of Swing shift.

Funny thing about the me-liking-my-job thing. I'd been talking casually to one of the other dual-rates (part-time dealer, part-time pit boss) on my shift, and he'd mentioned that the Table Games manager had asked him if he was planning on going to the new casino that's opening up next spring. We're probably going to lose a lot of personell to that place, because it's a big company with a good reputation. I didn't apply over there though for a variety of reasons, including the fact that it would be a longer commute, they'll probably overhire then layoff at the beginning, and I want to keep my seniority where I am now.

But I think I was a little put out by the fact that no one has asked me if I'm thinking of going to the new place. Sorta depressed me and made me wonder if I'm at all valued by this company. I think I'm valuable. I show up on time (which on graveyard shift isn't always easy), I only call in sick if I'm really sick, I keep my nose clean, and I do my job well--or at least I think so. And I am a bit worried over whether I'm ever going to get promoted back up to full time on the floor. I know I lost some seniority by leaving for the summer, but still, I wasn't put back down to dual-rate because I couldn't do the job. I got caught up in the political struggle of a soon-to-be-fired Table Games Manager.

But I've never received much feedback one way or the other, so who knows. The present Table Games manager was in this morning, and after a bit of deliberation, I decided to just jump in it. So, I went up to him and said, "By the way, I'm not going to the new casino. I didn't even apply." The TGM looked at me a bit funny, and then nodded and began to walk off, and suddenly stopped and said, "So are you liking your job more now?" That took be by surprise for a second, but I was able to answer with an honest, "Yes, I do like it."

I was thinking about that all the way out to the parking lot though. Like my job more... Well, shit... Of course I was hating my job there for a while, especially this spring. I'd been demoted for reasons that had nothing to do with my job performance, I was deep in the throes of what was at times a nasty divorce, and to top it all off I was working with my then-soon-to-be-ex-husband and his girlfriend, and having to put up with all of her damn shit. I was stressed out of my mind, unhappy as all hell, and more then eager to get the hell away from the whole thing for a while.

Yet after I came back from Clarion and Worldcon I was much more relaxed, and glad that I was still at least a dual-rate. I finally had the chance to get my new life on track, get serious about my writing, and get into a new relationship. Of course I'm happier now. And yes, I like my job more now, but a lot of that is being generally happier in the rest of my life, and also accepting the job as the money-maker that it is. It's not a hard job by any stretch; and it pays enough for me to go and do the things I want to do.

Hmmrrmm... I think I was trying to make a point, and I got sidetracked. Oh well. I do have this sinking feeling that I'm going to be passed over the next time a full-time position comes available. When the Big Boss doesn't seem to care whether you stay or go, I think it's a bad sign. Which is too bad because I do like the casino I work at, and I like to think I'm a valuable employee. I guess time will tell if others think I'm valuable too.

So anyway, yes, I'm wallowing in funk again.