Well, God obviously thought I was getting too happy, so he had to reach down and smack the shit out of me. I've lost Mike as a trainer, workout partner, and basically as a close friend. Some vicious, mean bitch (I want to put a different word there) called Mike's wife, anonymously, and made some nasty (and, I would add, untrue) allegations that he and I were doing more than just working out together. Needless to say, Mike's wife would rather we not work out together anymore.

I can't even tell you how much this upset me. This is the fourth time that someone has anonymously called the wife of someone I work with and told them that I was fucking their husband. There's never any proof. There's never any times or specific events. But that's not needed--the seeds of suspicion get planted anyway. The last incident was over a year ago, and I thought I'd seen the last of it. But apparently not. Mike told me that it was unfortunate aspect of being a female in an almost-completely male workplace. My mother pointed out that sexual harassment comes in many forms, and it's not always done by men to women.

I don't know now if I should still try and do this contest. I have suddenly realized that I'm not allowed to have any friends from work, and I have no friends elsewhere, so I'm going to get up on a stage with no one in the audience to support me? I don't think I'm that strong. I don't know if I'm even strong enough to keep training at the intensity that's needed without any support.

I have no friends. I have no boyfriend. I have no kids. I am so goddamn lonely I just want to scream. I had deluded myself into thinking that I had friends at work, but now I realize that I'm not allowed that.

I got fucked out of a training partner and a friend, and I didn't even get to Fuck!

I know this is a whiny horrible miserable journal entry, but I'm miserable and depressed and y'all have had far too many happy perky entries from me lately. You're due.