I am way way way way behind on my journalling. Akkk! Lots has been going on and I tend to find other things to do besides the computer. Anyone who has been expecting an email from me in the last couple of months will understand that. Sorry!

I've been spending an unbelievable amount of time preparing for this contest. It's been no less than two hours a day at the gym (though I AM letting myself take one day completely off a week) though it often turns into much more than two by the time I work on my routine or tan or do a ridiculous amount of cardio. When my schedule permits I'm trying to do two cardios a day, but my schedule and my energy level really only allow that a couple of times a week. And it seems like the rest of the time I'm eating, or planning what I'm going to eat. The contest is two weeks away--June 23rd. No I don't feel ready! Actually, I'm pretty pleased with how I look figure-wise; I am in no fear of looking out of place among the other athletes. I have the six-pack abs now--admittedly they're still a bit blurred, but the fitness competitors aren't expected to have the super-chiseled look anyway. My two-minute routine is really the only thing that's still giving me the heebie-jeebies. I'm not a gymnast, and I'm a so-so dancer, and I'm certainly not much of a choreographer, but I put this thing together by myself. A pal of mine videotaped it for me the other day, and I got to watch myself doing it... AIIiieeeee! I suck. Ye gods, I suck. This routine sucks the shit from a dead rats ass. Sooooo.. I came really close to chickening out, but then after a few arguments with myself, my pride, and my self-respect, I decided that I've come WAY too far to quit now, and my present mantra is (and you'll pardon the profanity and the general sentiment, but I need it to keep my nerve up): Fuck all those cock-sucking back-flipping dancing gymnast cheerleader bitches... I may not be able to do a cartwheel or a split, but I can take any of 'em in a fight.

So, anyway. I'm making a few changes to the routine, and am looking on this upcoming contest as a learning experience.

However, all of this is complicated by the fact that Mom and I leave tomorrow on vacation--flying to England for ten days, which has me returning on the 20th. Yes, the contest is the 23rd. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally looking forward to the vacation! And Mom is being totally supportive of my desire to keep my conditioning up while we're there and is helping me figure out ways to stay on the diet and keep working out. The hotels we're staying at are generally 4-star, so we're fairly sure they'll have gyms. And if not, I plan on seeing if the hotel concierge can find a local gym that sells day passes. (Many gyms do, actually, for people traveling, touristing, or merely in the area temporarily.)

Also, Mom bought a PDA to take with us (no way I'd lug a laptop that far, even if my laptop was working!) so I hope to make some sort of quasi-journal entries that I can later translate into this format. (Couldn't talk her into the digital camera--darnit!--so any pics will have to wait for film to be developed and pics to be scanned.)

And, going on vacation gave me the excuse to finally start rebuilding my wardrobe. I had damn near nothing that would fit me anymore. My total weight loss (including the stalled attempt last fall) has been 45 pounds. I went from 165 to 120. I went from size 14 jeans (and those puppies were getting tight) to size 6 jeans! I can wear those nifty flare-leg stretch pants and look good in them (if I dare say so myself!) My hooters have shrunk considerably and, you know what? I don't care! The rest of me looks great, and I'm totally in proportion now. People who haven't seen me in several months don't recognize me; I've been told that my face is totally different now. (Yeah, I no longer have that damn double-chin!!)

So shopping today was pretty fun, once I found a store that had the style of clothing I wanted (classy-sexy without being slutty) in the sizes I needed (small-petite! Woo!)

I tell you, it's a whole lot easier to stay on the diet and keep working out when you can see that it's all paying off.

Anyway, don't expect another entry from me anytime before June 21st... and to be perfectly honest, probably not until after the contest. I promise I will post something then about the whole vacation and the contest experience.