BY DEATH ABUSED
by Gary Jonas

(for Ed Bryant)

     Me and Paula are upstairs coloring in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles coloring book when Daddy gets home.  He comes into Paula's room and glares at us.  Like always, he's mad about stuff and like always, he smells like the martinis he used to let me taste, but which I never liked.

     "Davey," he says in his mean voice, "go to your room."

     I'm scared and I start to go, but then I stop.  Whenever Daddy sends me to my room he makes Paula scream and cry.  I remember hoping that the hurting was over, but now that Daddy's back, I know it's only begun.  I wish Mommy was here.  Not that she'd do anything.  She tried once--she made Daddy go away.  But then Mommy went away, too.  Now Aunt Cora takes care of us.  Or does she?  Will Daddy make her go away now?

     "I said get the hell out of here!" Daddy yells.

     I shake my head.  "I didn't do nothing, Daddy."

     "One!  Two!  Three!"

     Whenever Daddy starts counting you know you better do what he says or else.  I only let him get to ten once and I swore then that I'd never do that again.  Daddy likes to use his belt turned so that the buckle hits you on the back real hard.  Sometimes it draws blood and you have to sleep on your side for a week.

     "Please don't do anything," Paula says.  She's almost fifteen now.  Her eyes are tearing up, but she looks so brave standing up to him.

     Daddy turns to her, even madder than before.  "You want the brat to watch?  Fine.  Watch and learn, Davey."  Daddy grabs Paula and pulls on her shirt, popping the buttons off and showing her bra.  Paula struggles.

     I can't take anymore.  I can't just let him do things to her.  I get up and run at Daddy.  I pound on his arms.  "You let her go!" I yell.

     Daddy backhands me across the face.  It hurts and I lose my balance.  I fall down and roll over.  I don't want to cry, but I can't help it.  It hurts so bad.  "I hate you!" I scream and run out the door to the hall.  I can hear Daddy laughing as he closes the door behind me.

     I run downstairs to the sewing room.  Aunt Cora is sewing what she calls a "cozy cover" from leftover scraps of material.

     She turns as I barge into the room.  "What happened?"

     "Daddy hit me!  And he's going after Paula!"

     "Don't be ridiculous," Aunt Cora says, setting aside the fabric.  "Your father can't hurt you anymore."

     "Well somebody better tell him that, then.  Before he hurts Paula."

     "Oh, Davey," she says and hugs me.  "Don't worry, your sister is perfectly safe."

     Paula screams so loud she can be heard down here and Aunt Cora lets me go and runs upstairs.  She looks kind of funny when she runs.  She isn't very ... what was the word she used?  Coordinated.  But she beats me up the stairs anyway.

     "Paula, honey, are you all right?"

     Paula is on the floor.  Her face is red.  I don't know if Daddy hit her or she's just embarrassed because her boobs are showing.  She covers herself with her arms and stares at the floor, sobbing.  Daddy's nowhere in sight, which is a relief.

     "What did you...."  Aunt Cora takes a deep breath.  "What happened?"

     "I don't know what happened," Paula says.

     "What do you think happened?"

     "It was Daddy," I say.  "He hates us for being alive."

     "Don't talk like that.  Your father loved you.  He was just sick, that's all.  But he wanted you safe."

     "He hates me.  He hates us all!  We're always in his way."

     "Your father can't hate you, Davey.  He's dead."

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