Hilary Moon Murphy

Busted!

The January Web Rat Name Your Own Dare! (700 Words a Day on Fire of Genius) Pre-Dare Dare Total Today 14,498 1223 520 Other Dare Participants: Anne | Jennifer | Jim | Karina | Marti | Rob | Sam | Trey

I am going to spend most of this entry talking about my boobs. You have been warned.

I have been a nursing mother for over a year now, but today the well started to run dry. I have mixed feelings about this. On the negative side, breastfeeding was a big pain in the nipples. Let me list a few of the inconveniences:

• Wet t-shirts. (And bras, and dresses, and even jeans) -- for more on this, see my 1999 entry I'm leaking, I'm leaking! I had to take spare clothes wherever I went.

• Rock-hard overfull breasts. If baby misses a feeding, the pressure in your chest builds and builds. Your breasts feel so heavy that you would swear you have boob-shaped bricks attached to your chest. You cannot lay on your tummy because your chest will hurt too much. If the pressure keeps building, you either get blocked or you spout like a fountain the next time you hear another baby cry.

• Sex. The La Leche League makes a big deal about how breastfeeding is a natural form of birth control. While you are breastfeeding, you are less likely to ovulate. What they don't tell you is that while you breastfeed, you may not want to have sex because it hurts too much. Breastfeeding hormones not only dry up a woman's natural lubrication, but increase her sensitivity for a double whammy.

• Wardrobe requirements. I quickly discovered that 90% of my wardrobe was incompatible with breastfeeding. If you cannot pop your boobs out in under two minutes, forget about wearing that outfit. Babies have no patience. If they are hungry, they are hungry now.

• Modesty issues. I'm mostly shameless. I've modeled nude, and I have no problem nursing Cassie in front of people that I know. However, breastfeeding Moms wind up flashing the world. No matter how discreet you are, there will come a time when baby is starving and complete strangers will be staring at your breasts. Sometimes they will even make disparaging comments about how the sight of you has corrupted their children and how people like you ought to be locked up.

• Boob as chew toy. Teething babies bite. I trained Cassie out of this, but this period was awful.

• Pumping sucks. Literally and figuratively. If you have to work away from baby, you have to pump. It is time-consuming, inconvenient and sometimes painful. It's harder to do than actual nursing, because a skilled breastfeeder can nurse baby and have her hands free to do other projects. With pumping, your hands are occupied and it can be difficult to achieve a good "let-down" reaction. My boobs figured out the difference between a plastic suction cup and baby lips right away. After you pump, you have to clean and sterilize your pump parts, and find a safe place to store your milk. If you are going to do it, spend the money on a good pump. I used the Medula Pump-in-Style, which could empty out both boobs in under fifteen minutes.

Despite all this, I loved nursing Cassie. I cried when I realized that one of my breasts no longer gives milk and the other is down to a bare trickle. Here are some of the good bits:

• Weight loss. La Leche was right about this one. When I first started nursing Cassie, I could literally feel my uterus shrink (like a non-painful cramp) each time I did it. And for every pound that Cassie gained, I lost one. By the time Cassie was six months old, I was well below my pre-pregnancy weight and in my old skinny jeans!

• Feel-good relaxation hormones. Everytime I nursed Cassie, my body would flood with its own patented brand of euphoria drugs. All the stress would drain out of my body, and I would trip on happy hormones.

• Simplicity. No bottles. No formula. No sterilization or heating necessary. Chez Mommy was always ready to serve its primary customer.

• Bonding. As I nursed Cassie, she stared at me solemnly with wide trusting eyes. The whole world would disappear, and it would be just the two of us. For one special moment, I was providing all her needs: love, warmth, nourishment. You can not beat that, no matter how hard you try.

You may notice that I didn't make my quota today. Some friends showed up at our place to eat greasy Greek food and watch videos. I will admit that I watched Chicken Run (which I had never seen) instead of spending the entire time writing. Oops.

On the other hand, the movie was wittiest flick that I have seen in a long time. Great dialogue! Wonderful sight gags! Fabulous animation! Hey, if I had to blow off my writing, at least I blew it off doing something worthwhile and fun.

Now, back to work.

Hmm