Hilary Moon Murphy

"I'm a Bear!"

What, it's been nine days already? Even Andy started muttering that it was past time to update. The hour a day writing challenge seems to be going well, except for last Saturday night when I blew it. Still, I finished another chapter, so I finally am beginning to feel like a real writer again. It's odd how just the act of writing can bolster my self esteem and make me feel virtuous again. Some days I think that my writing is the only thing keeping me sane.

It has been a month since Andy lost his job, and the stress levels on our household have run high. I don't think either Andy or I were prepared for the complete reversal in roles that we've had. Now I'm the one working the crazy hours that eat into family time, and he's the primary caregiver and keeper of the house. I miss my days with Cassie and he misses the sense of identity his work provided him. We've been slowly redefining ourselves and providing each other as much support as we can. But it's been hard.

Our home has become job hunt central for a bunch of our friends who are also looking for work. We have had people over almost every night for the past few weeks to work on resumes, cover letters or use our DSL line to apply for jobs. Sometimes this has been a good thing. They've helped us out with other projects and even cooked meals on occasion. But sometimes when I come back from work I don't want to have all these people around.

The other day as we were driving home, I asked Cassie where we were. "We're at my house," she said.

"Oh?" I said. "Who else lives here?"

"Mommy and Daddy and Cassie. And David. And John. And Trish," she said, naming all the regulars of the job hunting gang.

I turned to Andy. "Out of the mouths of babes."

"I'm going to start charging them rent," Andy said.

So what else is new? Andy decided to build his own website in order to teach himself HTML and Front Page. It's still under construction, but it looks really attractive. If you check out his photo page, you will find Cassie's "Elvis Baby" photograph and a recent but slightly naughty photo of me in a corset.

The other big news was that Cassie sang the entire alphabet song by herself three times last Friday. Andy phoned me at work when it happened, and we were both so proud of her that we could burst. Her verbal skills just keep growing and growing.

Along with her verbal skills she has also developed a new understanding of plot, which has its downside. It used to be that her attention would stray when watching most movies. In "Bambi," she would only pay attention when her favorite character, Thumper, was onstage. Not anymore. The other day I was putting away dishes when she came out of the living room screaming, "Bandi's mommy! Bandi's mommy!" As she sat there, sobbing in my arms, I felt just awful. I had forgotten that Bambi's mother got shot in that film. Since then, we have had to very carefully screen all our movies -- and some books -- for scary content.

With all the new verbal skills have also come some very strong opinions, like Cassie's response when Andy called her a small person.

"No! I'm not! I'm not a person!" Cassie shouted.

"You're not?" Andy asked. "What are you, then?"

"I'm a bear! Grrr."

"It's my birthday!" she said, eyeing a cake on the counter. "I need birthday on my plate."

And some of her statements show how she is analyzing the world.

"Missie Bear," Andy asked, "are you too tired?"

"I'm three tired," Cassie said, rubbing her eyes.

"You're three tired?" Andy grinned. "I like that."

"I'm not four tired," Cassie added. "Just three tired, Daddy."

Hmm