Clarion Critiquer by
J. Simon
Filked to the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's "Modern Major General", this bizarre parody contains some in-jokes about the Clarion 1999 class. Used with permission.
I am the very model of a critiquer from Clarion
Through efforts literistic I've endeavored to write fairly on
The compositions fictic of my peers and friends all sleep-deprived
Of Casablanca or perhaps of Old Man and the Sea derived
I enjoy evil's dialogue though it seems to be lacking a
Good magic appetizer finish a la deus ex machina
Or pachyderms deific telling lunar jews about the goy...
But lord above protect me from the herds corralled by Chicken Boy!
But lord above protect me from the herds corralled by Chicken Boy!
But lord above protect me from the herds corralled by Chicken Boy!
But lord above protect me from the herds corralled by Chicken Boy!
From my trousers trusty I'd pull chickens were it on a lark
I feel like Helen Keller trapped inside a vast amusement park
And so I get arrested when Scott Edelman I'm ferryin'
I am the very model of a critiquer from Clarion
And so he gets arrested when Scott Edelman he's ferryin'
He is the very model of a critiquer from Clarion
I'll enjoy your mass murders but complain if it's gratuitous
And cheer the lascivosity of stories most salubrious
I'll even grant redemption 'pon those souls who use "As You Know Bobs"
But not if their space onions are engaged in Starship Dialogues
So get your hero up a tree and we'll all throw some bugs at him
As long as you remember that he cannot leave upon a whim:
The extra-ordinary folks aren't like the ones who just are not...
Who need a satellite to roam, or maybe just some nano-bots
Who need a satellite to roam, or maybe just some nano-bots
Who need a satellite to roam, or maybe just some nano-bots
Who need a satellite to roam, or maybe just some nano-bots
In short, I like your use here of the m.s. format basic'ly
And it's the finest failed piece it's likely that I'll ever see
So don't you quit your day job, be it techie or agrarian
I am the very model of a critiquer from Clarion!
So don't you quit your day job, be it techie or agrarian
He is the very model of a critiquer from Clarion!
- filked by J. Simon Jul 4 1999
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