A Few Essentials by Frank Tuttle

Stumped for what to write at Clarion?

"I Have No Mouth, So No Fries For Me"

Five carnival roustabouts are the only survivors of a global holocaust instigated by a deranged network of TicketMaster point-of-sale registers. Add Bradburian touch of whimsy, just for contrast.

"The City on the Edge of Last Week"

Time travelers from next February arrive in Pittsburgh only to find that they've already seen all the movies, and that their past selves refuse to accept collect calls. Moody, edgy Asimov's piece.

"Driving Miss Algernon"

Cross-genre masterpiece involving intelligence-enhanced mutants and class conflicts in the Old South of the 21st century. Include constant references to "grits" and "corn shuckins" for authenticity.

"It Came From Outer Space, Postage Due"

Science fiction writer angst. Perfect for the workshop environment. Lampoon and abuse with impunity -- if accused of malicious portrayal of your fellows, just smile knowlingly and murmur, "Is a mirror-maker responsible for the faces his work reflects?"

"The Bigger Bang"

Blow it all up. The world, the galaxy, the cosmos -- all of it. There is nothing more literary than a good dose of despair, so lay it on thick. Wear lots of black and scowl during the reading.

Wee Hour Endings:

Need a surprise ending for tomorrow's story? No problem! Just go to the end of the last page and insert the ending of your choice:

The SF Ending:

Suddenly, he/she/they/it were run over by a truck.

The SF Ending for a British Audience:

Suddenly, he/she/they/it were run over by a lorry.

The Erudite SF Ending:

Suddenly, he/she/they/it were all run over by a truck, which then careened off the Vische-Suiesse and caused M. Hassechelman to exclaim, "Avec soufle del mar volksgang et tu, Senorita?" We laughed, of course, as only the French may laugh.

The Fantasy Ending:

Suddenly, they were all run over by a Balrog. Continued in Volume Two of the BellEddingsGad, as yet untitled but which shall surely contain the words "Darkness, Shadow, and/or Mage."

The Gritty Urban SF Ending:

Suddenly, they were all run over by a hovercar, which then dropped its thrusters and back over the survivors. Cable and Slash popped a weedstick and we laughed until the last sun set.

The Surrealistic SF Ending:

Suddenly, there was a light, and then a noise, and when it was over the sensation of infinity folding in on itself, a Big Bang of origami in slow reverse. And then it was done -- they turned their eyes upon the sky, but the only voices left were those of the loons.

Copyright 1999 Frank Tuttle