Hilary & Andy's First Holiday Newsletter

Note: Entertaining though this is, this newsletter is ancient. Click here for my most recent newsletter.

December 29, 1996

Dear Everyone,

Happy New Year! Welcome to Andy and Hilary’s first joint newsletter. As you may or may not know, we will be getting married on October 25th of 1997. Anyone receiving this newsletter should count on receiving an invitation to the big event sometime in the next few months. So, along with all the other aspects of announcing to the world that we would like to share our life together, we have decided to write a holiday newsletter this year.

For those of you who already know both of us, you can probably skip the rest of this paragraph. The two of us have been dating for almost three years now. Hilary is a cute young thing and Andy is a cute slightly younger thing. We initially met while working together in the Anoka County Library system. Now Hilary works as a librarian for Minneapolis Public Library. Andy works as a customer service representative for Network Management Services, which administrates health insurance plans for large corporations and government agencies. Together we parent two cats, Ash and Callie. The four of us currently share a house with our vile and evil slumlords, Kris and Deborah. (Incidentally, Kris and Deborah are hip-deep into planning their own wedding, which will take place January 18th of 1997.)

It has been a year of many changes. In addition to our marriage plans, we have both made job changes this year. Andy was promoted to customer service from the production support department of his company. At the beginning of the year, Hilary received the 1995 Director’s Award of Outstanding Achievement for her work in founding the library’s new bookmobile program. But while running the bookmobile was rewarding, it was also a very demanding and stressful job. With her father’s illness this summer (see below), she was having trouble dealing with the joint crises both at work and at home. She decided that she needed a change in scenery. In November, a children’s librarian position opened up in a library branch near the University of Minnesota. She was offered the position and will start December 30th (that’s right – tomorrow!)

We have also been doing a lot volunteer work for Minicon, a local science fiction convention that has over 4,000 attendees. Andy has been helping our vile and evil slumlord run the convention’s art show. Andy takes great pride in his title of Greater Peon (otherwise known as he-who-makes-sure-that-annoying-jobs-get-done.) Hilary has been running the convention’s Children’s Programming department for the past three years, but she has vowed to drop the responsibility as part of her overall campaign to simplify her life this year.

Hilary is writing solo now. I had a very troubled summer. In June, my father had a stroke which caused damage to the language centers of his brain. In August, it was discovered that he had cancer. As Dad’s only relative, I flew out to San Francisco numerous times to negotiate with the hospitals and to prevent my father’s creditors from taking the family home. He died September 1st of pancreatic cancer. In addition to all the emotional trauma of all this, I have been dealing with the serious financial problems of the estate. Dad was deeply in debt and his insurance did not cover all of his extensive medical bills. To make matters worse, his last will was written in 1969 and is seriously out of date (one example: it leaves $50,000 and the family car to a couple he has not talked to in 25 years.) Unfortunately, the will is not contestable according the California Probate Law because I was named in the will (as receiving the residue of the estate, which will probably be nothing.) I don’t expect to receive anything beyond executor fees.

The money is not the real issue though. I know Dad loved me, but I never felt like I was a priority in his life. I am learning more about him now that he is dead than I ever did when he was alive. I am wondering if I ever knew the man at all. Most of the details are too private to share here, but I will give one example. In his files I found all the family death certificates. He had told me all my life that Posners are disgustingly healthy and live into their nineties. Yet his mother, grandmother, uncle, and several cousins all died of cancer before age sixty. He had not only hid a family history of cancer, he had lied about it.. Maybe he was trying to protect me, but it still hurts that he could not trust me.

Enough depressing stuff. The stresses of the past year have been a growth experience for me. There is nothing like having a parent be dependent on you to make you feel that you have finally grown up. Before all these problems, I had always felt that I was only masquerading as an adult. Now I know who I am and I am very proud of myself. I have deepened my relationship with God and thought a lot about what the priorities in my life are. In September, I started working out daily at the health club to relieve stress, and have continued because the exercise has made a positive change in my life. I have lost twelve pounds and two dress sizes. I have more energy now and no longer suffer from the nightmares that troubled me this summer and fall. I also have decided on my New Year’s Resolution. This year, I resolve to do less. I plan to drop commitments left and right until my life becomes more sane. I have been stretched too thin and I want more time to concentrate on my friends, family and writing.

Speaking of spending time with family, Andy and I got to have some quality time with a lot of our other family members this year. In July, my half-brother Alex flew out to help me celebrate my birthday party (and in August, I got to fly out to Seattle to help Mom celebrate hers). I had a blast showing off my little brother to all my friends and introducing him to Minneapolis. Alex stayed for a week and I loved every minute of it.

My party was a grand celebration. Andy and Kris, the vile and evil slumlord (really, he revels in the title), planned the party and told me no details except that I was supposed to wear black. I had been anxious about my upcoming birthday. Thirty is one of those depressing milestones that comes along, bops you in the head, and asks, “So, what have you accomplished with your life?” I was so neurotic about it that Andy and Kris decided to tease me a little. My birthday was a memorial service where I buried my younger self. They read my will (well, the one they wrote for me), laid flowers on me and had everyone share memories of me. They also gave me a birthday cake decorated in vultures! It was really affirming to have all my friends show and tell me what I meant to them and how I changed their lives. Really, it was the best present in the world.

It was at the party, in full view of everyone, that Andy proposed. He was wearing a tuxedo (black, since it was a memorial service), knelt down and asked me to marry him. It was very sweet and one of our friends even had a camera ready to record the moment for posterity.

During Christmas week, Andy and I flew out to Florida for his grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. His relatives were very welcoming to us, though we were introduced everywhere as being from the “crazy yankee” side of the family. I loved Andy’s grandparents, and was awed by them. After fifty years, they were still deeply in love with each other. Andy and I are planning to do the same thing. After all, sometimes it works. Guess that’s about it. Take care of yourselves, okay?

Sincerely,

Hilary and Andy