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6.23.2005 By the way, for anyone who ever stumbles across this and wonders what happened between Christmas 2003 and February 2004, it wasn't just the stress of the job that caused me to gain ten pounds back.Not to put too fine a point on it, all the protein was making me constipated as hell, and I tore a rectal muscle during a bowel movement. I could actually feel the tear happening, like a tiny little rip up the lateral sides of my poop chute (I learned later that this occasionally happens during labor, too. I'm not surprised). And then the pain hit. Oh, sweet mother of Cthulhu, the pain hit. I spent most of that weekend lying propped on my stomach in bed, crying from the throbbing, spasming pain. I couldn't sit down. I couldn't really stand very comfortably. I damn well couldn't exercise. And don't even talk to me about pooping -- I wound up having to drink Ensure for a week because I was terrified of having to force crap past those torn muscles. When I did start eating solid food again, let's just say that the first couple of eliminatory experiences were burned in my memory, okay? So I went off Atkins, and time, stress, lack of exercise and eating carbs slowly put the weight back on. Now you know. |
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Weight: 293 Ain't that special? And I'm on metformin, been walking every night for the last week or so, haven't been chowing down on calorie-laden foods or aught, and I'm still swollen as a toad. I honestly don't know what my body wants anymore. I just don't have the time to do strict Atkins -- it means I have to cook, and after I come home from the hellhole every day cooking is the last fucking thing I ever want to do (collapsing in a pile and crying is the first thing I want to do, oddly enough. I have got to find another job. . .). So apparently I don't eat enough as a result, and my body thinks its in famine mode and clings to every molecule of nutrition it can. It's the only explanation. Fuck it all. And I want to go back to dance class, but I DON'T want to do it at 8:30 PM in freaking Euless and have it run to 10:00 PM. That's just stupid. Maybe it's time to see if I can find a dance troupe in Plano, much as I love Isis and the Star Dancers. |
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Comments by: YACCS