THE WONDROUS FABU-FRIENDZ:
THE MEDIA MUNCHKIN
STRIKES BACK
Recap: summer has come to Fabulanna, and romance is blossoming among the Wondrous Fabu-Friendz like dandelions on a redneck's lawn. But somewhere in Hollywood, a mysterious figure has set his evil plans in motion. . .
CHAPTER ONE: A CONVERSATION GOES AWRY
"Do you think Bashir and Garak ever did it?" Melanie asked.
"Depends on who you talk to," Peter said thoughtfully, sipping at his lapsang souchong. "According to the suits at Paramount, of course not -- have to keep the Federation universe safe for heterosexual males, dontchaknow, and who cares that for, what, three seasons, Garak and the good doctor were behaving worse than GQ and Rakoon. I mean, for Odin's sake, Andy Robinson even said that Garak was deliberately flirting with Julian -- he's the freaking actor, he should know. And then they dig up Dukat's half-breed daughter as a love interest for Garak?" He snorted. "Talk about blatantly obvious beards -- Edward and Sophie have nothing on Viacom."
"And then they turn around and have Dax snogging her ex-wife," Melanie agreed. "Of course, that's a brave demonstration of IDIC and acceptance of all sexualities, and has nothing to do with the fact that your average male Trek fan is barely post-adolescent and gets hot at girl-on-girl action. But that's just the corporate line -- what do you think really happened?"
Peter considered his own experiences with Heinlein's Theorem of Pantheistic Multiple Solipsism, and smiled. "On Sisko's desk. With whipped cream and gagh. Of course, considering how scaly they are, you have to wonder how well Cardassian equipment interfaces with Terran ports -- Julian was probably walking bowlegged for a week."
Melanie grinned. "Ya know, I do so love having these high-minded conversations with you," she said.
Peter's scathing reply was lost when the entire sitting room was shaken violently, knocking them out of their chairs. A series of tremendous booms rocked through the Keep, thudding through reinforced walls and sending priceless portraits shattering to the floor. Tea sprayed everywhere.
"Christ on a jumpship," Peter barked, staggering to his feet. "This rug is a Persian, goddamnit! Security, report!"
The KeepCom beeped. "Sensors indicate that the Keep is being fired upon with energy weapons," Maarten reported.
"Shields up!"
"Shields are up, sir, but shield continuity has been reduced by 35% due to our stranding in the bay."
Peter snarled. The Floating Keep had been grounded in the muck of Fabulanna Bay after an altercation with the Pink Princess's hordes of flying monkeys. "I hope Pinkzilla is *real* happy with herself, now--"
"Wait--" Maarten interrupted. The pounding subsided, moved off into the distance. "Sir, they've broken off the attack on the Keep."
The Vanir wiped tea from his face. "Well, that's a piece of luck, at least," he said sourly.
"No, it isn't." Melanie turned from the window, where she had staggered to see what -- or who -- was attacking them. Her face was white as she pointed into the distance. "Peter -- they're attacking Fabulanna."
A smoking piece of rubble wobbled, then fell over as a once-perfectly manicured hand scrabbled for purchase along the rim of the crater that had recently marked the opening to the Sweetiecave. A blindingly tinted wig appeared next, followed by the face that had launched its own website, t-shirt line, and private ward at the Betty Ford Clinic.
"Sweetiedarling, this is. . .the last time. . .I let you light a cigarette. . .after your morning pick-me-up," LCM swore as he struggled to dig his Prada mules into convenient toeholds. Beneath him, Mumsey clung to the ripped and trailing edge of his lurex Westwood sarong, swaying like Princess Margaret after a hard night on Antigua. "I told you the backdraft could kill, but you just wouldn't AAAAACKKKK!"
LCM, sarong, and the now-shrieking Mumsey were suddenly lifted up and swung away from the gaping hole. The gasping supermodel kicked and wriggled in the vise-like grip that was now clutching the nape of his catsuit, trying to see who had picked them up this time. Oh, please, divinity sweetie, let it not be the Salvation Army again -- their uniforms are just SO last century. . .
What -- or who -- is attacking Fabulanna? Will Peter ever get his stranded Keep out of Fabulanna Bay? And what kind of vise-like trouble have LCM and Mumsy gotten into now? Find out in Chapter Two of THE WONDROUS FABU-FRIENDZ: THE MEDIA MUNCHKIN STRIKES BACK!
