| These stories are parodies of the Harry Potter universe and characters, not meant to infringe on any copyright of J.K.Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Brothers, etc. They're meant purely for fun.
The Gryffindor quidditch team waited in the locker room, not listening to captain Oliver Wood's pep talk. Harry Potter's mind wandered as he watched scamper across the floor. Hmmm. Looks like Hagrid needs to fumigate here, he thought. He was certain of it when waddled out from under a bench. George Weasley, one of the beaters, sent a shower of sparks from his wand into some spare robes hanging on the wall, and leapt out, chittering angrily. George's twin brother Fred snickered, but then jumped when ran up his leg. "Are you paying attention to me?" asked Oliver. "No," said Katie Bell, one of the chasers. "I'm watching that over there." "This is important!" said Oliver. "We're playing Slytherin, and they . . . um . . . often don't take the rules seriously." "Think they've already started messing with us?" asked Alicia Spinnet, another of the team's chasers. "Look at that!" She pointed to slithering along the floor. "And that!" said Angelina Johnson, the third chaser, pulling her feet away from as it skittered past. "I figured they just came inside because of the bad weather," said Harry, the team's seeker. "It is pretty cold and wet outside." "Well, we don't have time to do anything about it," said Oliver. "The game's about to start." He stood up, then yelped and shook out of his robes. "And we'll win despite all these . . . things." Fred knocked off his broom, where it had been nibbling on the tail, while Katie pulled off her plait. "Eeew!" she said. As the team stepped from the shelter of the locker room into the storm, Harry looked back to see following them. As the team took their places, Harry put an Impervious charm on his glasses so he could see through the rain. That's how he saw flitting along just above the ground. Madam Hooch let the bludgers and snitch loose and tossed the quaffle into the air. A followed it, and almost got squashed as the game began and chasers from both Gryffindor and Slytherin sped after the big red ball. As Harry hovered above the quidditch pitch, looking for the snitch, it was easy to see and fluttering around the goals. Oliver Wood had to dodge both and a bludger that a Slytherin beater sent his way. As Angelina flew past, quaffle under her arm, a Slytherin chaser grabbed for it but caught instead. Angelina laughed, threw the quaffle with all her might, and made a goal, knocking off the hoop. Draco Malfoy, Slytherin's seeker, hovered across the pitch, glaring through the pouring rain at Harry. Suddenly, with a look of triumph on his face, he sped across the field. Harry, thinking Malfoy had seen the snitch, urged his broom forward as fast as it would go. He plowed into but ignored it, his eyes on Malfoy. With horror, he saw Malfoy reach out and pluck . . . from the air. Harry almost fell off his broom laughing at the surprised look on Malfoy's face when he saw it wasn't the snitch he'd caught. But then he had to slap at the back of his sodden robes as started crawling up his neck. Between rain and things swarming through the air, Harry had a terrible time spotting the snitch. He swerved across the pitch, narrowly missing and . He ignored the bludger a Slytherin beater sent his way, thinking it was just another . It hit him with a thump that nearly knocked him off his broom. As he was clambering back on, he saw it--a flash of gold. Was it the snitch, or just ? He couldn't afford not to chase it. Malfoy, seeing Harry arrowing off, headed straight at him. He pretended to swerve to miss a and smashed right into Harry. The snitch, if that was what it had been, disappeared. "Hey!" Harry yelled, looking around to see if anyone had seen this obvious and disgusting bit of cheating. Madam Hooch was fighting off a particularly large , and even Lee Jordan hadn't seen it. He was busy waving his arms around his head, fending off a swarm of s. From his vantage point, Harry could see two Hufflepuff girls squealing and picking s out of their hair, landing on Professor Flitwick's shoulder, and buzzing through the crowd in the Ravenclaw bleachers. Then, to his horror, he saw the scoreboard. Gryffindor 50, Slytherin 100. He couldn't let Slytherin win! He had to find the snitch. The rain was starting to let up, but the swarms of s and s were getting thicker. One of the Weasley twins sped by him, smacking at with his club. He was followed by two Slytherins, one of whom was beating off his broomstick. In the stands, Hagrid was waving his arms and yelling something, but there was so much other noise that Harry couldn't tell what it was. And then the snitch zoomed past Harry's nose. He grabbed at it but got only , which giggled madly as he tossed it out of the way. Malfoy was beside him in a flash, ignoring and that smacked into him. The two raced neck and neck for the snitch, but Malfoy made the mistake of swerving into Harry's broomstick to knock him out of the way. In that instant, Harry stretched out both hands, and grabbed both the snitch and . The game was over! Gryffindor had won! After the Gryffindor victory rounds of the quidditch pitch, dodging s and s all the way, the players settled to the soggy grass. Hagrid stood there, with Ron and Hermione, waiting to congratulate Harry. "This was almost as bad as the time Quirrel bewitched my broomstick, or Dobby's bludger had it in for me," said Harry to his friends as flew past. "Erm, well, I can explain all those things," said Hagrid. "It seems Professor McGonagall's transfiguration class was turning cockroaches into peacocks yesterday. She put the peacocks--some of 'em mighty peculiar, I must say--in me chicken coop." He waved a handkerchief the size of a bed sheet at as it dived for his head. "One of 'em laid eggs, and when they started hatching. . . ." He gestured at that was chasing toward the scoreboard. "Mine still had feelers," said Harry. "And Neville's--his looked like a chicken with armor." "That'll be the one," said Hagrid. He flicked off the back of his arm. "The mother o' all them things." Harry, Ron and Hermione laughed. Together they all walked back up to the castle, paying no attention to the scuttling along behind them.
|