The Adventures of Clebsch Gordon
by Ken Wharton
©Copyright 1993, All Rights Reserved

Clebsch Gordon paced on the deck of the N.R.G. Spectrum, a Standard Model spaceship with a very fine structure. They were on emission to the Brillouin Zone, but at the moment the ship was in a half-spin due to ice build-up on the outer product rack. He picked up the commutator and spoke into it.

"Hermy! What can we do about this Isospin?"

After a moment the speaker crackled to life. "Hi there Clebsch," Hermy Shun began. "I'm sending Senberg through the big Gerlach right now. I can't determinate will work, but it's worth a shot."

Clebsch nodded to himself. Hermy Shun was the best operator in the business, and Senberg was a very capable Quantum Mechanic. He flipped a switch and Senberg came on line.

"Heisenberg!" said Clebsch. "How's it going out there?"

"Feynman," he responded. "I'm working my way over to Dirac right now."

"Great. You're Zeeman."

Suddenly the ship shook, and Clebsch found himself in a ground state. "What was that?" he shouted.

Hermy Shun came running into the room. "We're under attack, sir! Felt like someone launched a Haranov Bohm at us! By the way, that's a super position you're in."

"Thanks. But what about Senberg? I'm not just going to lie here while he Dyson the outside!" Clebsch tried the controls, but quickly discovered that they had been diagonalized by the blast.

"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for him now." Hermy looked very Stern. "But it looks like we're getting some radio activity."

Clebsch turned on the Schrodinger Picture, revealing the image of the degenerate pirate, Aaron Fest. It was a very Stark effect. "Looks like I've got you now!" he cackled. "I don't want to Bragg, but this is going to look very good Fermi."

"What do you want, you infinitesimal scum?" Clebsch shouted atom.

"Hey, don't gimme no Lippmann." Aaron responded. "I would like very much to annihilate you, but I'm supposed to bring you alive to Planet Hamilt."

"Hamilt, but..." Clebsch looked over at Hermy Shun. "But aren't you a Hamiltonian?"

Hermy nodded. "But I haven't been back there in ions. It's quite a commute."

"Well, you're going there now," broke in Aaron Fest. "So either you two beam aboard my ship this instant, or I knock a couple holes in your Standard Model."

Two minutes later Clebsch and Hermy arrived on Aaron Fest's New Trino Spaceship, feeling a bit unstable after the sudden transition. They were instantly thrown into a square well, where a young lady sat in the corner. They ignored her for a few minutes as they tried to find a way out, but the walls were solid Symma wood, and the ceiling was made out of sturdy h-bars. "Too bad you're not a destruction operator," muttered Clebsch. Just then, Hermy felt something warm and furry rub against his leg, and began to scalar the walls in panic.

"Calm down," said Clebsch. "It's just a ket." He picked it up and placed it on top of his head where it began purring softly. "See? It just wanted somebody to muon." He turned to the lady. "Is this yours?"

"Yes," she replied, sobbing quietly. She was dressed in a Lamb Shift and wore a silver cross section around her neck. And not only did she appear to be singlet, but her form factor was very observable. Clebsch's energy level began to excite.

"Who are you?" Clebsch asked, smiling at her.

"I'm just a poor Hermite from the Schwarz system," she began. "But my ket has a virial infection and needs to be operated on. Aaron Fest offered to take us to see a Hamiltonian operator, but I didn't know we were going to be in a bound state. I mean, do you have any idea how many Symma trees they had to break just to build this well?"

"Not really. Do you know what's been happening with the Hamiltonians lately?"

"Why yes, haven't you heard? The First Order just made too many mistakes, so they were overthrown by a more complex Conjugate. They're calling themselves the Second Order now, and I'm afraid everyone there is a lot tensor."

"Oh my," said Hermy Shun. "I always knew there was a big potential for this to happen, but this really makes me mad. They should have known better than to perturb a Shun."

"You fellas are beginning to Bohr me." She whistled to her ket, who lepton to her shoulder and climbed into her bra. Clebsch and Hermy made curious phases at each other, and backed away to the other side of the well.

"Must be a base ket," Clebsch murmured to himself.

After a long journey through Hilbert space, they finally Landau on planet Hamilt. Immediately, Clebsch and Hermy were brought before the Golden Ruler. He wore a valence band on his bald head, and Clebsch noticed he kept a powdered Wigner by. The Golden Ruler gave a plane wave to the robot guards, who turned and left the triplet alone.

After they had left, he turned to the pet parity kept perched on his shoulder and said "Pauli wanna cracker?" When the bird didn't respond, he ordered his prisoners to come closure.

He looked down on them while he yawned and stretched. "You'll have to pardon me, but I have just Rosen, and I have a crick in my spinor something. Anyway, I have brought you here because eigenvalue a man of your intelligence, a real Schwinger like myself. I was hoping you could help with a tunneling project going on under ground."

"Careful," Hermy whispered. "He matrix us."

"Well Mr. Ruler," began Clebsch. "Eigenstate with confidence that we will never help you. I wasn't Born yesterday, you know."

"Guards!" shouted the Ruler. Four complex robots entered the room, brandishing four EA transforms. "Blast these men into momentum space!"

But Hermy picked up a stray Planck, and Clebsch pulled out A Dagger. A tremendous battle ensued, and Clebsch Gordon, being co-efficient, was able to scatter the robots. After making their getaway in Eckart outside the palace, the pair vanished, traceless.

A week later, after riding a stolen New Tron Spaceship back to the N.R.G. Spectrum, Clebsch's crew asked him how he had managed to regain a degree of freedom.

"Well, you see," he said, pointing at Hermy. "My operator here was already perturbed! There was really nothing more the Golden Ruler could do. And besides, those guards weren't just complex, I think they were purely imaginary." Clebsch turned to Hermy Shun and slapped him on the back. "So of course we survived; after all, it was my density, operator. Q.E.D."

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