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General Information Acceptance Willingness To Learn The Nature of Truth Amethyst Fight Tactics Life Isn't Fair Forgiveness Coping With Anger Friends In Mourning Sour Grapes The Uselessness of Guilt Stereotypes On Being Happy Some Amethyst Truisms |
Coping with AngerAnger is a healthy emotion and a necessary stage in many important emotional processes. We are often taught that we "should" not get angry. But it's a natural response to a great many situations, and it is as unhealthy to try to suppress honest anger as it is to express it in a destructive way. What we need to do is recognize it and release it harmlessly.We've already talked about coping with others' anger, in the discussion on Amethyst "fight" tactics. But what about our own anger? What about the times when something happens that makes us lose our tempers? It's all very well to talk about rational "fight" tactics and about understanding the other guy's point of view, but what good is that when some word or phrase or circumstance provokes a fit of blind rage so sudden and so powerful that we instinctively strike out without stopping to think? How can we practice rational tactics when we are, however briefly, not rational? My own solution is to put the problem in the hands of the Presence. Since this is not an easy matter at first, and is certainly not something that comes naturally to the untrained mind when in the throes of rage, I've deliberately formed a habit: for years, whenever I felt anger, as soon as I was capable of remembering a rational thing, I said the Serenity Prayer to myself, sometimes over and over again until it began to take effect. Eventually it became such a firm habit that the first stirrings of anger within me provoked the instant recollection (and repetition) of the Serenity Prayer. I still fail sometimes. I still occasionally strike out without thinking, and am obliged to apologize after. One isn't always willing to give up the full burden of one's anger, but repeating the Serenity Prayer does help to restore one's sanity even in such cases. I highly recommend its use. It can work even for those who do not believe in the Presence; in that case, one is training oneself in a useful way of thinking; and asking help not of a god but of one's own subconscious, which is itself a powerful force. I quote the Serenity Prayer below for those rare individuals who have somehow avoided its acquaintance till now.
Presence grant me the serenity
Copyright © 1992-2005 by Melisa Michaels. Reproduction and distribution specifically prohibited. All rights reserved. Melisa Michaels is the author of the science fiction novels Skirmish, First Battle, Last War, Pirate Prince, Floater Factor, Far Harbor, and World-Walker, the fantasy novels Cold Iron and Sister to the Rain, and the mystery novel Through the Eyes of the Dead.
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