Sour Grapes

I didn't want to upset my mother by being seen to check, and I wasn't really disappointed when her hair didn't grow. She was a fine doll, her hair was long enough as it was, and I promptly decided that hair that grew would make her head look funny (children can sour grape, too).

I was infinitely pleased with what I had. So pleased, in fact, that my sisters were jealous, saying crossly that I always got exactly what I asked for. Trying to win their favor by proving this untrue, I entered into an argument with them. Our mother overheard and asked what we were arguing about. I told her, "They said she's the doll whose hair grows when you comb it, and she's not!"

Mum, doubtless feeling sorry that she couldn't give us each exactly what we asked for, said, "You're never satisfied."

This sort of misunderstanding may explain the family belief that I was a spoiled child. If I had got that expensive doll, my sisters would have been justified in their belief that Mum was spoiling me; and if I'd not been satisfied with the doll I got, Mum would have been right to believe I was spoiled.

I've found this situation not uncommon throughout my life. I want a thing, I get a different thing, and I adjust my thinking so that what I have is exactly what I want. This makes people jealous, and they angrily accuse that I always get exactly what I want.

In the Olden Days I used to try to explain that what I got was not what I originally wanted, which provoked people to tell me, "Oh, you're never satisfied."

Now I tend just to smile and agree that I'm frightfully lucky. As indeed I am, if only because I've discovered the trick to creative "sour graping." I'm not always even conscious of doing it; the adjustment is so automatic that instead of thinking, "Those grapes are probably sour anyway," I can move right on to the next step and announce with perfect truth that I am glad to have whatever fruit happens to be in reach.

This is not to say that it's always easy to give up a cherished desire. It's not always even necessary. Enjoying what one has does not preclude hoping for better. It just makes life nicer in the meantime.

Copyright © 1992 by Melisa Michaels. Reproduction and distribution specifically prohibited. All rights reserved. Melisa Michaels is the author of the science fiction novels Skirmish, First Battle, Last War, Pirate Prince, Floater Factor, and Far Harbor, the fantasy novels Cold Iron and Sister to the Rain, and the mystery novel Through the Eyes of the Dead.