SUMMARIES IN RHYME

Note of Explanation:
Some time ago, in an online newsgroup, some of us came up with a kind of game: compose brief summaries of famous novels of speculative fiction, in rhyme. Preferably, though not necessarily, in one of the classic short humorous verse forms: limerick, clerihew, or double dactyl. The following are some of the better results:

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The Stars My Destination, by Alfred Bester

Tiggery tigery
Gulliver "Gully" Foyle
Was in deep shit as he
Drifted in space
Bester had written the
Only escape for him:
Teleportational
Finding his place
- Lawrence Watt-Evans

***

Lord Of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkein

There was a young lad from the Shire
Went to throw an old ring in the fire
Then the hacks got a hold
Of this plotline now old
And the page counts soar higher and higher.
- Robert Brown

The Lord of the Rings
Is one of those things
That was written by an Oxford don, somebody who you have to admit is pretty damn clever
But if you're not paying attention, it seems to go on forever.
- Bud Webster

***

Dune, by Frank Herbert

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
What the hell is this all about?
God damn these big fat boring books
Where nothing happens and no one fucks.
- William Sanders

***

I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov

Plinketa plunketa
Doctor Ike Asimov
Told us the future of
Robots and Men.
All was predicted so
Psychohistorically,
All in an aggregate
Obey his pen.
- Rich Horton

***

The Harry Potter Series

There was a young wizard named Potter
Whose book sales got hotter and hotter
The author, Jo Rowling,
Her publisher's darling,
Was very glad someone had bought her.
- Rachel Hartmann

***

2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur Clarke

A monolith said to an ape,
"Sit right there beside me and gape.
Roll around on the ground
We'll call it profound
and sell lots of soundtracks on tape."
- Adam-Troy Castro

***

Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein

Grokkity grokkity
Valentine Michael Smith
Came with a heritage
Rather complex
All of his upbringing
Extraterrestrial
Just didn't teach him a
Thing about sex.
- Lawrence Watt-Evans

***

Conan The Barbarian, by Robert Howard

Robert E. Howard
(Who, in spite of the fact that he really, really loved his mother could hardly be accused of being a coward)
Wrote stories about Conan the Barbarian
A guy who ended up as the ruler of Cimmeria even though he was a lousy parliamentarian.
- Bud Webster

Slashity slashity
Conan, Cimmerian
Battled his way through a
Number of books
All of that swordplay was
Phallosymbolical
What women saw in him
Wasn't his looks.
- Lawrence Watt-Evans

Conan
Must not be confused with Onan
The one went around looking for heads and other extremities to hack off
The other was just a jackoff.
- William Sanders

*** ***

Carrie, by Stephen King

Carrie
Was really scary
Even the part after they bury her
But her mother was even scarier
- William Sanders

***

It, by Stephen King

The Godfearin' people of Derry
Did not make their children be wary
Of spider or clown
That lurked in their town
The truth of IT all was too scary.
- Rachel Hartmann

***

Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach

Flappety flappety
Jonathan Livingston
Teaches the gullible
Spirits to soar
Oh for an oil spill to
End the career of this
Ornithological
Mealymouthed bore.
- William Sanders

***

The Amber Series, by Roger Zelazny

Prince Corwin of Amber's no chump
Though sometimes he's down in the dump
In prison or blind
He always will find
A way for his sibs' plans to trump.
- Rachel Hartmann

***

The Left Hand Of Darkness, by Ursula LeGuin

Wimmina Mannima
Ursula K. LeGuin's
Left Hand of Darkness tells
Genly Ai's tale.
No expert he in things
Hermaphroditical
His love for Estraven
Turns it female.
- Rich Horton

***

The Gor Series, by John Norman

The bubble-brained bimbos of Gor
love treatment that they should abhor.
They're rapturous tramps
Who never get cramps
(Just too bad it's all such a bore.)
- Adam-Troy Castro

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