Stunning the Glitterati

From the Washington Post, July 14, 1998: "Remnick replaces editor Tina Brown, who stunned Manhattan's glitterati six days ago by resigning to launch a Hollywood-backed multimedia company."

Mayor Rudolph Giuliani announced a crackdown against glitterati-tipping yesterday. The practice, endemic among 'wilding' packs of yuppies in New York's Fifth Avenue, involves knocking over unconscious or semi-conscious members of Manhattan's social elite.

"It's the free market in its purest form," said a Wall Street broker who asked to remain anonymous. "First you stun 'em, then you tip 'em."

Generations of inbreeding have left the glitterati vulnerable to sudden shocks which can overwhelm their senses and leave them in a stupefied state. "The species has always been vulnerable," explained Pat Ryan of the Institute for Fashion Ecology. "But until the 1960's they were able to maintain a safe environment for themselves and their children. Then an invasion of beetles from Great Britain changed the habitat in ways that they couldn't cope with."

Tie-dyed shirts, love beads, and women in flat heels took their toll. The once-proud glitterati population was decimated. Today only a few enclaves remain on the East Coast, in areas such as Manhattan and Cape Cod.

In recent years interbreeding has taken place with the separate population of glitterati native to Los Angeles. However, Mr. Ryan notes, this may have merely further degraded the gene pool.

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