Words, Words, Words

July 22, 1999

Today I ordered a pair of sandals through the Internet. This is something I should have done long ago, since it takes me twenty minutes to put on my shoes and socks. That's a matter of routine on workdays -- I just have to do it first thing in the morning -- but it's tedious enough that I often put off doing it on weekends until it's too late to go out anyway. Being able to put on footwear in less than a minute should make my life considerably easier.

Which raises the question of why it took me so long to do it. The answer is a fierce insistence on making do. I don't like complaining and I don't like feeling like a freak, so if there's any way I can get by without fussing I just do it. It's a healthy mindset, in most ways, but it sometimes keeps me from admitting that the "normal" way of doing things just doesn't suit my situation.

Another instance of denial: I only recently (a couple of weeks ago) began drinking nutritional supplements (like Boost and Ensure) in an effort to gain weight. Since I'm 50 pounds underweight, I really would feel better if I put on about twenty pounds. But I hated to admit my regular diet wasn't good enough. (In fact maybe my regular diet is good enough, and if after a couple of months the drinks aren't doing any good I'll stop.)

I was a little worried that my brother might have the opportunity to say "I told you so", since he's told me several times that if I really wanted to gain weight that I could just do it. Fortunately he also said the chocolate-flavored drinks are the best, and he was wrong about that.

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