NARRATOR: The SpandeX-Men suddenly realize their mistake, in sending a villain to save the day. However their way to rescue Excedrin is blocked by an invisible wall.

(LIGHTS: ON)

[BYCLOPS, SQUALL, PUBCRAWLER and JEAN are Right, EXCEDRIN is Left, and a MIME, who shows us where the invisible wall is, is center.]

BYCLOPS: Burrito is crazy! If he kills humanity, then who will be our hairstylists, sanitize our telephones, and be our marketing executives? Who’s going to put the tiny umbrellas in our drinks?  Who’s going to build my redwood deck? Oops I mean it’s wrong.

JEAN: We must get through this locked door.

SQUALL: [To PUBCRAWLER] You must have faith and you must hold me tightly.

PUBCRAWLER: Thank you god!

[PUBCRAWLER and SQUALL roll across the floor, and stand up next to EXCEDRIN. They remove the colander.] EXCEDRIN: [Confused] That’s odd, we seem to have dropped out of warp. [Pained] Oh, my brain feels strained.

BYCLOPS: The damaged spillway is not relieving enough pressure from the man-made lake. We have to get out of here before this rescue is a damn bust!

JEAN: There’s no time to lose! Leave the professor here.

[EXCEDRIN uses mind control on Jean.]

JEAN: [Monotone] The professor is the finest actor I know. We could NOT leave the professor here.

BYCLOPS:  But there is too much rubble blocking his wheelchair.

EXCEDRIN: I’ll just get up and walk from here.

BYCLOPS: What? You can walk and I’ve been pushing you around all this time? You lazy bastard!

[EXCEDRIN uses mind control on Byclops.] BYCLOPS: [Monotone] The professor is the finest actor I know. I‘m thrilled to be his willing servant.

LIGHTS: OFF
 
 

NARRATOR: Outside the secret base Gyro has a surprise for Bobby

LIGHTS: ON

GYRO: Bobby, I’ve decided to go with Burrito. BOBBY:  I can't believe it!  You're going with the evil mutants? GYRO:  Yep.

BOBBY:  But...but they're the bad guys!

GYRO:   I know.

BOBBY:   But why?

GYRO:   [Looking exasperated] Are you kidding?  They’ve got a woman who runs around naked, all the time!  [Turns to exit Right, but as leaving says] Have fun with your girlfriend, who you can't even touch!

[BOBBY stares after GYRO wistfully as ROGUE comes on stage.]

ROUGE:   We’ve got to move the jet! [BOBBY does not respond] Bobby, are you coming? BOBBY:   [Still looking after GYRO] Probably not in the foreseeable future. ROGUE:  What?

BOBBY:  Oh, nothing.  [They start to exit Left.]  Say, are you, like, real attached to wearing clothes?

LIGHTS: OFF
 
 

Play copyright 2003 by Roger Allen. Photos copyright by Keith Stokes.