NARRATOR: Finally, Back at Excedrin's School... 

LIGHTS: ON

LISTERINE: Byclops, You know Jean chose between us, and she chose you. BYCLOPS: No, she chose you. LISTERINE: No, she chose you! Your motorcycle chose me. BYCLOPS: No it didn’t! Stay away from my motorcycle.

EXCEDRIN: Quiet down students. Now has anyone here ever read a book by the British author J.K. Rowling called HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX?

ROUGE: Actually Professor, we like more adult books. 

LISTERINE: Yeah! Adult books with lots of pictures.

[EXCEDRIN mind controls the students]

ROUGE: I love Harry Potter! I must buy 5 more copies!

STUDENTS: Yeah!

BYCLOPS: [To EXCEDRIN] Hey! I saw that. Why are you forcing them to read a lot of pre-teen angst ridden junk anyway?

EXCEDRIN: Who do you think has controlling interests in, Schoolastic Books; the publishers of the Harry Potter series? We didn’t get this mansion for free you know!

BYCLOPS: That’s terrible!

EXCEDRIN: What about our costumes and the Jet? What do you think paid for those?

BYCLOPS: It is still horrible!

EXCEDRIN: What about your motorcycle?

BYCLOPS: Well maybe it’s not all that bad.

RIKER: Just your authorization for a special operation, Mr. President. We’ve managed to gather evidence of a mutant training facility in upstate New York, run by a man I know very well. I’ve got to stop him before he has another more successful role than me. I’m tall and handsome, he’s short and bald, but somehow he has escaped our past and I haven’t.

BURRITO: [Enters with BOBBY] You see Bobby, I’m not the scary one around here!

BOBBY: Actually, All of us are pretty scary.

BURRITO: What? BOBBY: Well let me put it like this…

 Ah, look at all the scary mutants.
 Ah, let’s kill all the scary mutants!

 Herr Kurt Nightcrawler,
 Beats up armed guards and then threatens the President's life.
 We think he's nice.

 Lovely blue Mystique,
 Shifting her shape so you don't know which one she might be.
 She could be me!

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all come from?

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all belong?

 Wolverine Logan,
 His skeleton's made of pure adamanti-ee-um.
 Makes him quite glum.

 Miss Marie Rogue,
 Horny as hell but she'd kill him who gave her a try.
 Good way to die!

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all come from?

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all belong?

 Ah, look at all the scary mutants.
 Ah, let's kill all the scary mutants!

 Eric Magneto,
 Look at him plotting to subjugate humanity.
 It's a hobby.

 Charles Xavier,
 Just might destroy the entire human race with his mind.
 It's about time!

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all come from?

 All the scary mutants
 Where do they all belong?

 Mister Scott Cyclops,
 Spiting all physical laws to shoot force from his eyes.
 Newton would cry.

 Doctor Mz. Jean Grey,
 Uses her dubious skills to rescue the X-Men.
 Hope she can swim!

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all come from?

 All the scary mutants,
 Where do they all belong?

NARRATOR: Here is our cast and their code names:

Narrator: David Lee Anderson
Professor Excedrin: Roger Allen
President, Lancelot Link Super Chimp, and Dad: Chris Burnham
SS Agent 1, Soldier 2, General Ross, Mime: Selina Rosen
SS Agent 2, Soldier 1, and Terminator: Rob O’Bar
Commander Riker: Wm. Mark Simmons
Pubcrawler: Greg Turner
Rouge, SFX: Laura Burross
Bobby, Mandolin: Randy Farran
Listerine: Scott Davis
Byclops: Robert Ohlde
Dr. Grayjeans: Kathy Wentworth
Father Away: Dana Patillo
Girl: Arianna Davis
Squall: Sam House
Burrito: David Means
Gyro:  Michael Keller
Colostomy and The Hulk: Ogre
Mom: Barbara Davis
SFX and Buffy: Jennifer Jones
Trinity: Christina
Mina, SFX: Ann Shelby
Hyde: Randy Sanders
Jack Sparrow: Tim Fraiser
Lights and Sound: Lisa Berry, Joseph Sanchez
 
 

Play copyright 2003 by Roger Allen. Photos copyright by Keith Stokes.