The Trip to
Ukraine
Steven's Regular
Blog (which includes daily life post-adoption)
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Step
1: Lost (August 7, 2003)
I can't find the first step in my
adoption journal. If it turns up, I'll post it. It involved
web-surfing and phone-calling to find an adoption agency, however, and
we settled on Hands Across the Water in Ann Arbor, Michigan, where we
live.
This, as you'll read later, turned
out to be a terrible mistake. Incidentally, although the journal
says we wanted to adopt from Lithuania, we eventually settled on
Ukraine. So if you came to this page looking for Ukraine adoption
stuff, don't worry--you're in the right place.
Step 2: Visiting Hands Across the
Water
Today after house-hunting and a long nap, Kala and I visited the
adoption agency again, this time for a more formal appointment with the
director. Many questions were asked and answered. In the end, we
made a couple decisions. It turns out that what an adoption
agency calls "special needs" is different from what I call "special
needs." I'm coming from an educational POV, where special needs
means "diagnosed disorder," such as autism, dyslexia, emotional
impairment, blindness, deafness, and so on. To the agency,
special needs include all of those, plus developmental delay, speech
delay, and so on. I can handle developmental delay and speech
delay and that sort of thing. I still don't want to adopt a child
with severe emotional problems, autism, or something else along these
lines. However, this restriction is workwithable.
We've also decided to try to adopt from Lithuania. This is partly
because the orphans over there get much better care early on
(Lithuania's economy is strong these days) and partly because of The
Book. The director had a Book with pictures of Lithuania's
capital Vilnus and of some of the children over there. I held up
the photos of the latter. "They all look like me," I said.
This was true. The people of the Baltic states (Latvia,
Lithuania, and Estonia) share very similar features. The director
also said that my name would be a plus--the oversees agency would
recognize it as Baltic.
Step 3: The Great Form (August
20, 2005)
Part of the adoption application at Hands Across the Water is an
extensive list of conditions--physical, mental, and emotional--that you
have to read and decide about. You can choose "yes," "no," and
"willing to discuss." Child who has a skin rash: yes, no, or willing to
discuss? Birthmark on body, hidden by clothing. Y, N,
WTD? Birthmark on face. Y, N, WTD? Autism. Y, N,
WTD? Missing hand. Y, N, WTD? Missing finger.
Y, N, WTD. Need crutches, correctible. Y, N, WTD? Needs
crutches, not correctible. Y, N, WTD. Developmental delay.
Y, N, WTD? Cancer. Y, N, WTD?
Two single-spaced columns' worth.
I feel like I'm picking out a puppy at the dog pound. Long or
short ears? Long or short hair? Large, medium, or small
size? Purebreed or mix?
Kala examined the list first and marked her choices lightly in
pencil. Then I went through it so we could discuss anything I
disagreed with. I found I hated the entire process. Every
time I marked "no" on something, it meant that somewhere out there is a
kid who can't join our family, all thanks to an arbitrary mark of my
pen.
I saw Kala had put "no" under "missing hand," and I said to her, "I
don't know about this one. I mean, I can see a little kid in an
orphanage somewhere watching the other children going off with happy
parents, one by one, while he sits in the corner by himself and
whispers, 'No one wants me because I don't have a hand.' " Kala
snatched the paper back and marked "WTD" on that one.
I felt the same way about all of the categories, really. "No one
wants me because I have cancer." "No one wants me because I need
crutches." "No one wants me because I have a big mark on my
face." I was half in tears by the end of that stupid sheet.
I know that the reason for these choices is so that I don't end up with
a child whose problems I'm unwilling or unable to handle. Except
I was never in my life wanting or willing to help a child with autism,
but when Aran was diagnosed, I did (and am doing) everything in my
power to help him. I didn't =ask= for an austistic son. I
didn't =not= ask for one, either. He just came. It feels
like adopting a kid should run the same way.
Whenever I mark "no," it feels like I'm saying to a child, "You're not
worth adopting." And that's a horrible thing. Why should I
be willing to deal with Aran's special needs but not the special needs
of my potential other children?
A big part of me says having another child with severe special needs
would crush me, both mentally and emotionally. Yet another part
says I would do what needs doing and keep going. What else can
you do? I do not under any circumstances want another autistic
child. Yet, if I somehow ended up with one, I'd do all the
therapy all over again and not love the child any less.
"Nobody wants me because I don't talk right." "Nobody wants me
because I have burn scars." "Nobody wants me because I'm deaf."
But the reality of it is that all those orphaned children out there
=aren't= my sons or daughters yet, and I don't love them--not because
they aren't worthy of it, but because I haven't even met them. I
know what kind of difficulty I'd be in for with a child who needs lots
of extensive help. I've gone through it with Aran, and I would do
almost anything to avoid having to go through it with another
child. So I mark "no," and another kid goes without parents.
I'm torn between two extremes--wanting to help a child, any child, and
knowing that there's only limited help I can give. I have the
feeling it's only going to get more complicated from here.
Step 4: More Application (August
26, 2005)
The second round of application papers for adoption has arrived.
This is an inch-thick set of forms and information sheets that must be
gone through and finished before the first visit by the social
worker. It includes an autobiography form--twelve pages of
questions that must be answered in detail. ("Wow!" I said.
"Twelve pages and it's all about me!") A couple of them struck me
as "none of your damn business" type questions. A couple are
really loaded. ("What are your views on corporal
punishment?") Some make no sense. ("What are you feelings
on taking family leave to care for a newly-arrived child?"
Uh--it's a good thing?)
At some point I'll probably post a silly version of it.
So now we're sharpening our pencils.
Step 5: Making Appointments
(September 7, 2005)
We've finished the adoption agency forms, though we haven't touched the
immigration forms yet. They're next. The autobiographies
are done, though.
The social worker finally called (about two weeks after the agency said
she would). Our first of three home visits is a week from
Saturday.
Step 6: Social Worker Visit #1
(September 13, 2005)
Today was the first visit from "our" social worker Theresa. She
got lost and arrived a bit late, but once she got here, we retired to
the living room. Many questions ensued:
How did the two of you meet?
How did you decide to get married?
What's your medical background?
Why do want to adopt a child at this time?
Which one of you brought up the subject first?
And more.
Theresa turned out to know nothing about Wicca, so we loaned her a
beginner book about it and answered extensive questions. There
was a long moment of silence at one point, and then she said, "I don't
want to offend you . . . "
"We've heard it all," I said. "Ask."
"Is the Goddess you worship . . . good or evil?"
I chose to be more amused/annoyed than offended. I realized later
I was partly annoyed because it was an insult to my intelligence: "Oh
yes, our Goddess is evil. We worship a dark being of great and
terrible power who has a plan to plunge this world into darkness one
day and we're her faithful servants in this great plan. I hope
that isn't a problem."
Sheesh.
Anyway, we told her that the God and Goddess can't really be labeled
"good" or "evil," since they encompass =everything.= As well as
if a tree or a tornado or the world itself is good or evil. "Good
and evil are found in people. The Gods are outside that sort of
thing."
This was followed by, "Do you practice animal sacrifice?"
"No," I said. "It's too much trouble to get bloodstains out of
the carpet."
This got laughter, and then I pointed out that animal sacrifice is more
associated with practitioners of Santeria in the southern US and the
Caribbean.
Theresa apologized for not knowing anything about Wicca, then went on
to say that her ignorance would translate into extra time for the home
study--either as a fourth visit or more time spent at the usual three.
Oooookay.
Other than that, the visit went very well. Theresa herself was
very nice. Only after she left did we realize how tiring the visit had
been.
She also gave us a workbook on adoption. "First ten chapters need
to be done by the next visit," she said, "and the rest need to be
completed by the third visit."
Hey! I don't
do
homework--I
give it. :)
Step 7: INS (September 26, 2003)
Today I was supposed to have my physical done for the adoption, but a
week ago Kala and I got letters from INS stating that we were to report
to their Detroit office for fingerprinting, so we changed the medical
appointments.
I arranged for a morning sub--I got to sleep in until seven!--and this
morning after Aran got on the bus we headed out, driving seperately
because I had to go straight to school from the INS.
Mapquest failed us on this one. The directions it gave put us on
the wrong highway. I was halfway to Toledo before I figured out
what was going on. I pulled over and called Kala, who was a ways
behind me. Then I called INS for better directions. Between
them and Kala's knowledge of Detroit (and thank all gods for cell
phones!) we figured out how to get there and arrived only ten minutes
late. Fortunately, this didn't seem to matter.
The INS office is in a strip mall in downtown Detroit. (Kala said
she's glad we live near an international border, otherwise who knows
how far we'd've had to drive!) It's a big open room with tile
floors, uniformed guards at the door, and a stark, empty kind of
feel. There aren't really any decorations beyond an American flag
in one corner and a TV that shows INS how-to-apply-for-stuff videos in
another corner.
We filled out a name-and-address form, showed passports and drivers
licenses, and waited briefly in a nearly-empty waiting area for the
printing. When my number was called, a technician led me over to
a computer terminal that had a glass plate on it. The tech put
corn husker's lotion on my hands. I rubbed it in, and then she
put my left and right fingers on the plate. The computer scanned
my prints a couple-three times, and then we repeated the scan for each
individual finger. No ink, no mess. A supervisor
double-checked to make sure everything was done correctly, and I was
off to school.
A relatively painless procedure. :)
Step 8: Social Worker Visit #2
(October 4, 2005)
We had our second home visit with the social worker today. We
answered a few more questions about our backgrounds and then talked
about the exercises we filled out in the workbook. Nothing
explosive this time around, but tiring nonetheless.
Step 9: Hitting the Rest
Button?
(October 7, 2005)
Kala and I have joined an e-group for people who are adopting/have
adopted from Lithuania. The board is full of people who talk
about how long they've been waiting, how difficult it is to persuade
the Lithuanian officials to allow the adoption, and on and on.
Now, I don't know what kind of child these people want to adopt.
If they're looking for little babies, they're in for a long wait.
But I've gotten the impression that they're also open to older kids.
We've also learned that adopting from the Ukraine seems to go much more
quickly and smoothly. You finish your dossier, send it to the
Ukraine, and about a month later, you travel over there, stay about two
weeks, and bring home your child. There are a =lot= of orphans
over there, and the ratio of child-to-caregiver is about 10:1.
Our private suspicion is that Lithuania is doing what Latvia
did--making it hard to adopt out-of-country because the government
wants the kids to be adopted within Lithuania. (Latvia, in fact,
no longer allows international adoptions.) Two years ago, there
was also a big adoption scandal about Lithuanian adotpions. The
situation was resolved and laws were re-written, but I suspect there's
some holdover suspicion.
While I was writing this, I got e-mail from Kala, who had talked with
Kathi, the director at the adoption agency. Kathi said that
there's no way in the world we'd have a child from Lithuania by even
this coming summer. Before Kala could bring up Ukraine, Kathi
suggested it or Russia. They have so many children who need homes
over there that the problem for many people runs the other way--the
adoption approval comes so quickly the parents have trouble getting
everything ready.
While we would love to adopt a Lithuanian child, it's looking like it
won't be practical. We want to adopt another child or children
before Aran is much older.
I'm thinking Ukraine.
Step 10: Medical (October 7, 2005)
Went in for the required physical, which includes drug screening, TB
test, and HIV testing. Results on Friday. :)
Step 11: Medical Results (October 9,
2005)
The tests came back a day earlier than expected. Everything's
negative, of course, so we're good to go on the physical front.
Step 12: Surfing on Adoption
(October 10, 2005)
Don't click these links unless you want to tear up:
http://siblingsadoption.com/photolisting.htm
http://www.olderchildrenadoption.com/siblings.htm
http://adoption-photolisting.net/photolistOlderChildren.asp
My students are taking a test so I've been browsing around. I'm
not looking for a particular child, but trying to get a feel for what
it's like over there. So here I am in the middle of English 9
trying not to let my heart break. One of the kids (a teenager)
was asked to draw a reachable dream. He drew himself on a
skateboard drinking Coke. When asked why he didn't draw a family,
he said that wasn't reachable.
Researching adoption in Ukraine on the Internet has proven a lot easier
than researching adoption in Lithuania, I think because the need is so
much greater and Ukraine really wants people to adopt.
To adopt from Ukraine, both parents travel to Kiev. Once there,
one of two things happens (reports are mixed). 1) You are
"assigned" an orphanage and you travel there to look over the children
and decide which one(s) you want to adopt. 2) You are referred to
specific children and, after looking at their photos, descriptions, and
medical records, you settle on one, travel to meet the child, and
decide at the orphanage. If you don't want that child, you repeat
the process.
After selecting your new son or daughter or siblings, you travel back
to Kiev for court approval. Once that is granted, there is a
forty-day waiting period, during which the adoption can be
contested. However, the judge can waive this period (and often
does, far as I can tell). Then you and the child(ren) travel to
Warsaw to finalize the US adoption process, after which you can go home.
Okay, you want some heartbreak, especially with #1? We're back to
choosing a child like choosing a puppy. And you can't tell me the
kids at the orphanage don't know what's going on. These Americans
show up with gifts (it's traditional to give gifts to the orphanage
and/or all the children), hang around the orphanage for a few days, and
then go away, taking Vladamir and Anna with them. Hmmmmm . . .
what could be happening?
Whenever strange adults show up bearing gifts, you know that you have a
chance, however small, of being adopted. Hope and apprehension
mingle inside you. They say Americans are rich, that you'll have
a great life over there--your own room, your own car, your own
television, and chocolate every day. And you'll be part of a real
family. But what if they want you and not your older
sister? Will they split you up? Every time these strangers,
who don't speak your language, show up, you put on your best smile and
do your best to catch their eye, hoping they'll pick you this
time. Last time, you tried so hard and hoped with all your might,
but your hopes were dashed when they picked Mikhail. Was
something wrong with you? Did you misbehave when they were
looking? Were you too loud? Too quiet? What do they
want? Will they take a brother and sister? Please, please
let them!
Oh man.
Now I'm reading up on the history of Ukraine, which is less
heartbreaking and easier to handle.
Step 13: Social Worker Visit #3
(October 25, 2005)
Today was our social worker's final visit. We handed over a big
check and a whole mess o' forms and copies. We discussed a few
final things, she asked a couple questions about our medical forms
(intrusive ones---"Now what is this medication prescribed for?"), and
she pronounced us fit and ready to adopt more children.
Okay. The first hard part is done. Go us!
Step 14: Seminar (November 27, 2005)
On Tuesday evening Hands Across the Water held a class in Ukrainian
adoption. Kala and I attended while Aran played in a
playroom. It was us and two other couples.
We got lots of information, including a run-down on the Great Document
Chase. Oh, what fun that's going to be! This has to be
sealed with this, that has to get a signature from there, the notary's
commission can't be set to expire within six months of notarizing
anything (so now we have to go back and check all the stuff we've
gathered so far), and on and on.
The coordinator pointed out that to Americans, many Ukrainians come off
as abrupt or even rude when they actually don't mean to be, so be
ready, especially when dealing with officials. It's partly a
language barrier problem and partly a cultural difference.
Americans put more "nice" words into everyday speech than Ukrainians
do. An interesting dichotomy--Americans are seen as arrogant, yet
we're the ones who use more polite speech. :)
Also learned a little about traveling in Ukraine. The coordinator
giving the class made it sound like a death sentence if we ever went
anywhere without our facilitator. No joke--she expects that when
our facilitator isn't present, we'll sit in our hotel room or apartment
with the doors locked and the shades drawn. When I asked about
bringing my mother along, the coordinator looked shocked, then
worried. "Well, I suppose if she stayed in the hotel at all times
when you and your wife were away with the facilitator and she didn't
leave the room at all."
[Update:
We learned since, of course, that many people take their biological
children and the kids' grandparents on adoption trips to Ukraine, and
this is not the slightest problem. And of course, we wandered all
about Kyiv unescorted and did perfectly fine. Kathi, the
coordinator, also told us that we had to have stamped, apostilled
copies of our birth certificates in our dossier. This cost us
over $100. When we switched to Family Resource Center later, we
learned that Ukraine doesn't require this. Only Kathi does,
either because she's ignorant of the requirements for Ukraine or
because she's a control freak. If you're reading this with an eye
to adopt, do not use Hands
Across the Water.]
Okay, I'm well aware that Americans don't enjoy much popularity
overseas. We're viewed as wealthy and arrogant. However, hundreds
of Americans tour Kyiv every year without personal
facilitator/translators. I'm an adult, and I know how to avoid
being mugged. Sheesh.
Internet cafes are everywhere over there, so I'll be able to stay in
touch back here, which will be nice. We'll have to talk to our
cell phone providers about getting European cell phones--although
Ukraine went big into wireless, it's apparently easier to get temporary
phones arranged over here first.
Forward!
Step 15: Been a While (February
1, 2005)
It's been a while since I've reported on our adoption process.
This is because we hit a snag that turned into a major hassle, both
emotionally and paperwork-wise. Much fighting, snarling, and
biting about it, but I don't really want to go into detail here.
It pisses me off just to think about it. Hands Across the Water
is turning into a major mistake. None of the problems are arising
from the adoption--it's the agency we're fighting with.
End result, however, is that our home study is at last finished.
Unfortunately, the INS in Detroit is behind on its translation of
adoption documents, and instead of taking a couple of weeks, they're
saying three months. This probably wipes out our chances of
travelling this summer when Kala and I are off work. We'll have
to see what happens.
Step 16: Foward at Last (March 4,
2005)
It's official. We informed Hands Across the Water that we will
not use their services for the Ukraine portion of our adoption.
The director accepted this with equanimity and (I think) a certain
amount of relief.
I don't want to post everything that happened with HATW here. Not
yet. However, I have a great deal of justified anger toward this
particular institution, and I will never, ever recommend them to anyone
who's considering adoption. In fact, here's my statement:
If
you're considering adoption, do NOT use Hands Across the Water in
Ann Arbor, Michigan.
We've been accepted by the Family Resource Center in Chicago and will
be working with them. Right now we're in the process of gathering
various documents and forms to send to them, along with their program
fee.
Forward we go at last!
Step 17: New Agency (March
14, 2005)
Yesterday we sent a huge packet of stuff to the new adoption agency,
along with a really big check. The stuff included various
personal documents, letters of application ("Please let us adopt a
couple kids. We promise to be really good parents."), power of
attorney documents for the guys who'll be our guides/coordinators over
in Ukraine, and similar stuff. The only documents we have left to
gather are new doctor letters certifying our good health (Ukraine just
changed the format they want, so we have to get them redone) and an
FBI/state police background check that says we haven't been convicted
of any crimes.
The doctor letters we should be able to get Monday or Tuesday.
The police letters--not sure. We got fingerprinted at the local
police station last week and mailed the cards to the state police on
Saturday. We'll just have to hope they're fast.
Interestingly enough, we're learning a few things about Hands Across
the Water, our old agency. The director at the Family Resource
Center( our new agency) said Ukraine doesn't require certified copies
of our birth certificates, something Ukraine's web site about adoption
supports. She also said we only need to turn in one copy of our
tax return from last year. However, the director at Hands was emphatic
that we needed multiple copies, certified and official, of our birth
certficates and marriage license, along with our tax returns from the
last =three= years. Since my writing forces us to use Schedule C,
our tax form is fifty or sixty pages long, so three copies makes an
enormous pile of paper. And now it turns out none of it was
necessary.
You know, I don't care that the Family Resource Center is more
expensive than Hands Across the Water or that they're in Chicago
instead of Ann Arbor. I am, in fact, wildly happy that we switched.
Step 18: Doctor and Notary (March
17, 2005)
Today after school I fled the building and drove like mad to the
doctor's office, where said doctor signed the health
certificates. Just for certainty's sake, I asked the clerk out
front to stamp then with the office stamp. Then she called over
to the hospital to alert the notary lady, who works in rehabilitation,
that I was coming. By now it was 3:15, and the notary lady ended
her shift at 3:30.
I bolted down the stairs and rushed over to the hospital complex, which
is absolutely enormous and is composed of several buildings.
Yesterday an information worker told me that rehab was next to the
cancer center, so I followed the signs to oncology. Found the
entrance, parked, and ran inside. After some frantic searching (the
information desk was unstaffed), I found signs that pointed me toward
rehab. Followed them until they petered out. I stopped at an
office and asked some hospital people for Pat in rehab.
It turns out Pat worked in a
different
rehab in a different section of the hospital. It was now
3:26. The clerk called over to the correct rehab to tell Pat I
was still coming while another clerk gave me rather complicated
directions. ("Turn right, then left, then follow the bend in the
hallway, turn right . . . ") I ran again, panting now, and
managed to find the place on the first try. Pat was waiting at
her desk.
She notarized all six documents. I thanked her very much and left.
Step 19: Change in Ukraine (March
19, 2005)
Just got this from our adoption agency:
The National Adoption Center (NAC) of
Ukraine would like to inform prospective adopting parents of the
following:
According to provisions of the new
Family Code and Adoption Decree #1377, effective January 1, 2004, the
NAC will no longer release information about adopting parents'
registration numbers and dates of their appointments to third parties,
including to facilitators or others who have obtained the parents'
Power of Attorney. All communication between the Center and prospective
adopting parents will be conducted only by direct exchange of official
letters. In order to expedite and facilitate
communication, the NAC has suggested,
as an option, that families may wish to include one or two prepaid,
self-addressed international express mail envelopes (DHS or FedEx) with
their dossier. These envelopes will be used by the NAC for mailing
registration and appointment letters to U.S. families.
[some details snipped]
If you have additional questions
regarding this matter, please do not hesitate to contact the American
Citizens Services Unit at the U.S. Embassy
in Kiev.
Sincerely,
American Citizens Services
Consular Section
U.S. Embassy in Kiev, Ukraine
So what this means is that the NAC won't talk to the Ukrainians to whom
we've granted power of attorney--they'll only talk directly to
us. It all adds up to more delay.
Our adoption coordinator, however, tells us that just because it says
this doesn't mean it'll actually operate this way. She suspects
things may continue operating as normal. We'll have to see.
Step 20: Miscellaneous News
(April 11, 2005)
Today I'm mailing off what are more or less the final documents for
Ukraine. The only ones we have left are optional ones we figure
it'd be a good idea to have just in case--in particular the documents
detailing the change from Angela Carol to Kalathena Faye. Nowhere
in the adoption requirements does it say you have to have these
documents, but since the name on Kala's birth certificate doesn't match
her current name in any way, we figure having official copies would be
a good idea.
And some good news! Ukraine's US embassy has announced that it
will begin processing adoptions starting April 19. This means
adoptive families will no longer have to travel to the US embassy in
Warsaw to finalize Ukrainian adoptions. This will shorten travel
time by three or four days and will shave about a thousand dollars off
travel costs. Yay!
Step 21: BCIS (April 12, 2005)
It's arrived! The BCIS approval letter came in the mail
today. The US government has granted us permission to bring
adopted children into the United States from Ukraine.
Now we pay another adoption agency fee and everything goes over to
Kiev. Another major hurdle cleared!
Step 22: Dossier Out (May 5, 2005)
Our dossier is on its way to Ukraine via overnight UPS.
Step 23: Notification (June
14, 2005)
Today we got notification that Ukraine has accepted our dossier.
Now we just have to wait for a travel date. Our agency says one
should come in about three weeks. (!)
Step 24: Hard News (July 7, 2005)
Today I learned another family with our adoption agency in Chicago got
their travel date--August 31. This means it's highly unlikely
Kala and I will travel during the summer, since we'll mostly probably
be in September.
I really, really hate Kathi from Hand Across the Water. This is
entirely her fault, her doing, her mess. If it hadn't been for
her, we would already have our kids. Once the adoption is final
and we don't need her social worker anymore, I'm looking forward to
making an appointment with her and telling her how much I loathe and
despise her and what I think of her disgusting little agency.
Whoever said, " . . . but words will never hurt" never met
me.
Step 25: More Materials
(September 12, 2005)
The Ukrainian government is requiring a flurry of new materials and new
forms, retroactive, of course. They have to be notarized and
apostilled, too. We gathered them up, and our adoption agency has
sent them to Ukraine. Now we wait some more.
Step 26: Registration Number (November
11, 2005)
We now have a registration number from the National Adoption Center for
our dossier. We're hoping a travel date will come soon.
Step ???: Orange Revolution
(November 26, 2005)
Yeah, we're watching what's going on in Ukraine very closely. No
word on what it means for international adoption. There might be
no impact at all, it might slow them down, it might kill them entirely.
Geez.
[Author's Note: I won't be posting
details of the Orange Revolution
here, since they're widely available elsewhere.]
Step 27: Fingerprint Redux
(December 28, 2005)
Fingerprints on file with INS expire. During the year in which
they're "good," you might perpretrate a Nefarious Scheme (tm) against
the government, so you have to run the checks again. Your prints
are stored electronically and could simply be run through the check
again, but that isn't good enough. You have to make an
appointment and go down to INS to get printed again. It's stupid
and it's frustrating. At least it doesn't cost anything.
Kala made our appointment for today, when neither of us would be
working. Said appointment was also at eleven a.m., well past rush
hour. We put Aran into the car with his INCREDIBLES LeapPad book
and headed down. We were a bit worried--last time we got a letter
confirming our appointment. This time we only had a phone call
from Examiner Teske, the person in charge of adoption immigration for
this part of the country. Her office is in Sault Ste. Marie, in
the Upper Peninsula. We wondered if not having a letter for a
renewal was common or if we'd get there and discover we'd have to come
back with the proper paperwork. Kala had saved Examiner Teske's
voice mail on her cell phone, just in case.
We arrived at INS with no trouble. INS appointments aren't like
doctor or dentist appointments, where you check in and they call you
up. It's more like a time-frame for you to arrive. This is,
I imagine, to spread out the times when people come down there. A
transgendered guard checked our IDs and asked to see our
paperwork. When we said we never got any, she took our IDs over
to the fingerprint area to see what was up while we waited a little
uncertainly. The guard came back and said everything was
fine--our paperwork was at the fingerprint desk. Whew!
We checked in at the fingerprint desk, filled out a short form, and
waited about ten minutes for a print tech to do us up. Done!
Step 28: Pre-Visa (January 12,
2005)
The National Adoption Center (NAC) in Kyev has a liaison between the
NAC and the various adoption agencies that handle Ukrainian
adoptions. Her name is Lena.
Yesterday, Lena called our agency to tell them that Kala and I need to
apply for visas. We don't have a travel date, but the visas take
a few weeks to process, and we'll need to have that taken care
of. Since visas are good for six months, that means we'll (in
theory) have a travel date between February and July. Sooner is
liklier than later, though.
Step 29: Visas (February 2, 2005)
Our passports came back today with our travel visas in them.
They're these heavy yellow stickers that take up an entire page of the
passport, with a validation stamp in black ink positioned half on the
visa sticker and half on the passport page. Our names appear
there, in English and Ukraine, along with the dates of the allowed
travel window.
Kala called the adoption agency to let them know. She learned
that two other couples were recently given travel dates, but there's
some confusion. Travel dates are supposed to be issued in the order
that dossiers were approved, and the couples come out of
sequence. Also, one couple's travel date is in March while the
other's is in May.
We're still waiting . . .
Step 30: Travel Date (February 5, 2005)
Today, at last, we got our travel date letter from Ukraine. It's
in Ukraine or Russian (I can't tell the difference), with bits of it
translated in parentheses. Our appointment is set for June 6,
2005.
Hmmmm . . . looks like I'll miss exam week. :)
Step 31: Expired (March 23, 2005)
We have been informed that the documents in our adoption dossier have
expired.
Ukraine policy says that all documents may not be a year old.
Normally this isn't a problem, since Ukraine doesn't normally take very
long to assign travel dates. However, between the horrible bitch
at Hands Across the Water and the shakeups in Ukraine's adoption
procedures, it's been a year since we finished obtaining our
documents. This means we have to provide notarized, apostilled
documents again. We have to get the police check (both state and
local) again. We have to have the physical and blood workup
again.
I can
kind of see the above
as necessary. We might have murdered someone in the past
year. We might have gotten some dread disease in the past year.
But I have never gotten a real explanation as to why they think our
marriage certificate will expire, why our passports (which ALREADY HAVE
THE TRAVEL VISA IN THEM) might be no good, and why Kala's name change
document may have changed.
There are days I want to punch these people in the face. Kala and
I are looking to adopt older children with siblings--the hardest group
to adopt out next to kids with extreme special needs. We're
willing to give a home to and love children no one else wants.
You would think Ukraine would try to work
with us. But no--they've
worked against us at every freaking turn. Kala and I are treated
like beggers and supplicants when we're trying to
help.
Sometimes I just want to tell them fuck off; I'll raise my biological
son and Ukraine can work out how do deal with its orphan problem on its
own.
Step 32: Airlines (March 25, 2005)
There are two airlines that operate in this area and have adoption
flight rates--Northwest and LOT. (There may be others, but I
don't know which they are and I haven't looked yet.) This
afternoon I called both to get flight information.
A woman who adopted through "our" agency had done a cost breakdown of
both airlines when she went, and she reported that LOT had a much lower
rate but was less flexible. (Adoption flights only went out twice
a week, so if you missed one, you had to wait until the next
one.) Northwest's rate was quite a lot higher but was more
flexible. I'm well aware that in a national survey, Northwest
rated second-lowest in customer satisfaction.
I called and discovered that a couple prices had changed in the
interim. Northwest has a slightly higher fare and no penalties for
changing return flights. On the way out, there's a short layover
in Amsterdam. On the way back, there's a short layover at
JFK. (This, the airline operator pointed out, means the children
wouldn't have to get a visa, as they would if we stopped in Amsterdam
on the way home.)
LOT has a $150/person penalty for changing return flights. On the
way out, there's a layover in Chicago and in Warsau. Same for the
return trip. If you assume we'll have to pay the penalty for
changing flights, LOT is about $80 cheaper, total. If you assume
we =don't= pay penalties (fat chance), it's about $380 cheaper.
I'm willing to pay $80 for the easy layovers. I'm also willing to
pay $380 for them. So unless I turn up another airline that does
adoption flights from Detroit to Ukraine, we'll go with Northwest.
Step 33: Tickets (April 8, 2005)
Today we bought plane tickets to Kiev. This took a bit of
research, actually. Two airlines--the American airline Northwest
and the Polish airline LOT--have adoption fares, ones that are cheaper
and allow greater flexibility in changing dates and passenger specifics
than "normal" flights. We settled on Northwest for reasons discussed
upstream, and today I called to make the actual reservation.
I discovered that Northwest wants the name/s of the child/ren in
question for the return flight. I told the ticket agent that we
won't know them until after we arrive in Kiev. She said that
meant we'd have to buy tickets at the counter in Kiev for a higher
price, but Northwest would refund the difference later. I asked
what the one-way counter price would be.
It was $1,900 per child.
I blinked. "The child one-way fare is five hundred bucks more
than the adult two-way?"
"It is," she said, not unkindly, "but Northwest will refund you the
difference later. You'll ultimately pay only the normal amount
for a child on an adoption flight."
Problem is, at this stage in my life, I don't have four thousand
dollars I can let out of my sight for an unspecified amount of
time. "What would happen if I gave you the name of the children
now and changed them later?"
"That would count as an alteration in the flight plan," she said, "and
the adoption flights don't charge for that. But you might be told
there's no room on the flight."
"What do you mean?" I said. "Wouldn't it be just like cancelling
one ticket and immediately buying another?"
"Yes, but the cancelations don't always show up right away as an
available seat."
Oh great. On the other hand, the worst that could happen is we'd
have to wait a day or two for another flight, right? After a
quick consultation with Kala, I went with the odds and gave her the
names Everett and Garth Piziks for the children's tickets.
We fly out the evening of Friday, June 3 and arrive Saturday, June 4.
Step 34: Packing (June 2, 2005)
We're packing this evening and doing last-minute shopping. On the
way to said shopping trip, I noticed a clicking noise from the rear
passenger tire. In the parking lot of the store, I checked it. A
bolt was wedged into the tread. The tire showed no signs of
leaking. We finished the shopping and came home, where I pulled
out the bolt with pliers. Fssssssssssss! Great.
I put the temp tire on the car. Kala will see if she can get it
fixed tomorrow.
Back to packing.
Step 35: The Trip (June 3-24,
2005)
Click
here
for the full details of our trip to Ukraine.
Step 36: Papers (July 14,
2005)
You didn't think the steps were actually =over=, did you?
You're supposed to register Ukrainian adoptees with the nearest
Ukrainian embassy within thirty days of their arrival in the
States. I don't know what happens if you fail to do so, but
whatever. Our adoption agency sent us the form, but only one, so
I had to run to an office supply store to copy it. The embassy
also wants the kids' Ukrainian passports, a recent photo (we used the
extras from when we got their passport pictures taken), a copy of the
Ukrainian court's adoption decree, and an SASE, presumably for the
return of the passports.
I put all that together, signed the forms, and stuck them in an
envelope, ready to mail tomorrow.
You can e-mail me at spiziks@sff.net
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