What's New?     January 30, 2001

Order SWORD AND SORCERESS #17 here!

Order SWORD AND SORCERESS #16 here!

Order THE AGE OF REASON here!

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Forward to February, 2001...

1-30-01

NEWSFLASH!

I scanned in some pictures of some of the animals who have passed away recently. Please take a look.

1-29-01

NEWSFLASH!

Seryozha - October 28, 1983 - January 29, 2001

Seryozha had been born to us in our own home back in Hollywood, nearly 18 years ago (I was off by 1 year, thought he was 18, he was in fact 17 and several months). I had just started my senior year in high school.

Seryozha's mom Susie got pregnant before we had a chance to have her spayed. She was only 4 months when we picked her up as a stray, and she got pregnant immediately from some neighborhood cats. In any case, back then we didn't know better about keeping her away from the tomcats, and so we had kittens.

Susie had 5 kittens. Two of them died immediately (though we had taken one to the vet and she had been born with paralyzed hind legs, and could not be saved). Of the remaining three, one we gave away to a friend of mine in school, and the other stayed with us, and later got run over by a car, several years later.

The remaining one was Seryozha.

He was a gorgeous little boy kitten, a fuzzball. Fluffy, long hair gray, like the most beautiful baby. Over the years, he never changed, was always like a big baby, gentle and timid and a little angel. Of all our other kitties, he was our baby. :-) He never seemed to grow up.

Over the years, he survived many things, was hospitalized once before about two years ago, and was ok, and in general was a hardy little guy, and was never ill.

Most recently, we noticed he was an old ancient baby. A little old guy who was no longer so fluffy and kinda scrawny, and he got ill. The vet, as you know from my previous newsgroup and journal posts, had found some kind of tumor mass in him, and it was all inconclusive. The fluid was filling his lungs and belly, and he was placed on anti-fluid medication.

This last week, he got weaker, stopped eating yesterday, and was having difficulty breathing. He was definitely on his last strength, and would cry pitifully.

Last night he had his last meal of baby food. Tonight it got really bad. And it was no longer fair to prolong his agony. He was wobbling around, crying, collapsing.

I don't know any more what's right or wrong, but I made the decision and my poor mom agreed. We had seen too many animal deaths since the last two months.

We took him to the emergency vet at around 12:20 AM midnight, on Monday 29th, and the vet put him to sleep.

I was there with him, in the room, and it was so terrible that it is hard to describe (and you don't need to hear it either) and yes, I am a fucking killer.

But the main thing is, it is all over, and he is no longer in pain.

Rest in peace, Seryozha, our dear little baby forever.

1-25-01

NEWSFLASH!

My heartfelt sympathies to our Mary Soon Lee whose mother died on January 1st 2001.

On the animal front, things are still the same, and Seryozha is still getting by, the old friend that he is. He gets his medicine to cut down the fluid production, and the only problem is that he now only eats baby food. He refuses to eat larger chunk cat food.... Please continue to keep him in your warm thoughts.

Last night at 3:30 AM (or rather very early this morning) I finally finished the penultimate remaining story of my collection DREAMS OF THE COMPASS ROSE.

Actually, "The Cup" turned out to be a full-blooded novella, at 18,773 words! Good heavens! (the word count will be updated this weekend when I do the final edit on it, but it is only bound to grow) That is the last of the stories featuring the Nadir story arc, and the only one that remains to be written is "The Story Of Time" which resolves the Amarantea story arc. Talk about shifting mental gears and centuries....

Incidentally, the book total world length for DREAMS is now 101,951 words!

1-20-01

NEWSFLASH!

Time for some decent news for a change. Seryozha the 18-year old cat is hanging on still, and I am going to ask all of you to continue keeping the poor little guy in your good thoughts.

In the meantime, the 2000 Nebula Award Preliminary Ballot has been posted, and yes, my story is on it. :-)

There are 13 works in my category (short story) and 5 of them will advance to the Final Ballot -- which is mostly my goal anyway. (Like, who am I kidding to even think I could win. But I do want to be a Finalist.)

The competition odds are 2.6 people per each space on the Final Ballot.... Can my story "Rossia Moya" make it? If you are an Active SFWA member, please consider voting for it!

And if you did not get a chance to read it yet, I would be happy to mail it to you or refer you to the online free private area on the SFWA website where you can read it, nicely formatted, and easy on the eyes. Just ask me!

By the way, a fellow NAWer Ron Collins' Analog story "Stealing The Sun" is also on the Preliminary Ballot -- congratulations, Ron! :-) And so is Melisa Michaels' wonderful story "Painted Houses" that was also in THE AGE OF REASON along with my story.

On the writing front, my collection DREAMS OF THE COMPASS ROSE is now over 95,000 words, and still going strong....

Oh oh oh! And the two book covers are done! :-) Lisa finished them and uploaded the huge TIFF files to the publisher for me! The covers are gorgeous, but I am not going to show them to you just yet, because I am a perverse creature.... Stay tuned! :-)

Okay, Diana, since you ask, a Handspring Visor is indeed a wonderful little handheld PDA type thing, but with all the available Springboard expansion modules, it really is no longer just a PDA organizer but a full-powered mini-computer, using the Palm Operating System, and I am totally in love with mine.

I had never thought I would feel so addicted to a small electronic device, because knowing myself I had never previously been "into" PDAs, or organizers, or Gameboys. My boredom factor with such things is so high that I never bother anymore. In fact, I had once won a fullsize electronic Citizen diary at a company holiday party -- back about 5 years ago when I still worked for Citizen America, but I ended up giving my diary away to someone, since I just never used it.

Well, things have progressed since then, since the early days of the Apple Newton. PDAs are now so much more, having evolved into true handheld computers. And this one is way different.

In addition to a full color display, the primary difference to me is that it has an MS Word compatible wordprocessing program which allows me to write on it, with the help of another neat gadget, a Targus Stowaway folding keyboard.

And, I can read books on this thing!

Yes, this is better than a laptop. Better, lighter, for the first time a truly portable computer! If I am on an airplane, I don't have to worry about someone moving their seat down in front of me, because this thing is small enough to still be usable! I can write anywhere, with or without that keyboard! I can read anywhere! In fact, I think this is the future of all computers, and if there is any doubt, this is the ONE device that tells me I am indeed living in 2001, the age of Science Fiction. (I see future computers as being tiny small handhelds like this, and with a whole bunch of plug in little modules for various features, and the internet being one Big Mother Server.)

Anyway, I recommend a Handspring Visor to everyone! I take it with me everywhere I go. And here is a little bit of commercialism: Click here to buy a Handspring Visor! :-)

1-17-01

NEWSFLASH!

Marta was at least thirteen years old. She was a big rottweiler-shepherd-mutt dog with bright orange fur, a white collar, and perky ears.

We got her as a young near-puppy, by literally bribing these Latino immigrant neighbors of ours, with some trinket jewelry -- they kept her in the yard and did not feed her except for scraps and orange juice, so she was very skinny, and basically somewhat abused. She used to run around with the kids who rode bikes and called her "Moto!" We renamed her to Marta, because we got her around March.

Marta gained weight, and lived with us ever since.

Many years had passed.

She was big and fat and exuberant, and the last couple of years as she was getting too heavy to move around a lot, she would just lie there, like a warm sleepy comfy cushion.

Marta died some time early this morning.

She was lying there in her usual place, in the living room near the kitchen, and we did not even know she was gone. My mom just told me this over the phone when I was at work. If Marta suffered, we did not really know, but I think she is in a better place now.

Tarasik, the little Lhasa Apso guy who had known Marta the longest, misses her. During the day he sat outside, not too far from her body in the yard. Several times he had come up to her body and barked at her, as if wanting to say: "What's the matter with you? Get up!" And he did not want to go back in the house. The other two guys, Angel the cocker spaniel, and Rafik the husky-shepherd-mutt, did not seem to understand as much.

When I came back from work, we took Marta on her last trip, to the vet, for cremation. She was such a huge dog that we could barely lift her, and the vet assistants had to use a gurney.

Rest in peace, Marta. We all love you, and remember you, old friend.

1-14-01

NEWSFLASH!

Seryozha is still here, and still stable. He is eating, and he is breathing, and the veterinarian had said that we could bring him in to have fluids removed from his lungs, if it gets bad again. For now, it is tolerable. As a result, my mind has settled into the stable safe rut also, and I want to thank all of you dear friends who have written to me with your support. Thank you, Stephen, and Caroline, and the rest of you! :-)

I keep saying, one day at a time.

In the better news department, the two book covers are almost done!

Lisa Silverthorne, a Photoshop and design goddess, has devoted her whole weekend to create for me two most wonderful design layouts for the covers! Not in my wildest dreams would I ever had such gorgeous covers that are so truly "me," had I sold the books to a major publisher, and thus relinquished all control of the artistic presentation. As soon as they are finalized, I will post the images here...

I don't know how to thank you enough, Lisa! :-) You are an awesome friend, and you RULE! Lisa is definitely getting credited in my books!

In the sad publishing news department, Bookface.com has ceased publication, due to financial difficulties. As a small consolation, here is the press release from Executive Editor Lou Anders, on the release of the anthology OUTSIDE THE BOX: The Best Short Fiction from Bookface.com, that is due in March 2001 from Wildside Press, in trade paperback and e-book format.

Bookface has been one of the best things that had happened to me last year, and the kind of community of friends it has engendered will never be forgotten. Once a Bookface Angel, always a Bookface Angel! So, chin up and heads held high, Angels! :-)

In another sad but kinda tongue-in-cheek publishing news department, I received my Starlight 3 rejection, weeks after I had already submitted the story elsewhere. My first rejection of the year, whoopee. :-)

Oh, and I have to say it was great to have dinner with Jenn Reese and West Flanagan this last Thursday! Imagine a restaurant table with three women and three Handspring Visors. We had a fantastic time, even though I did find out that my Visor has a bad IR port and cannot beam worth a shit. :-)

1-8-01

NEWSFLASH!

What can I say -- I really don't want to be writing this journal lately, because of the kinds of things going on. The good things are getting eclipsed by the bad.

I had really wanted to make a happy announcement here, to talk about exciting new positive things in my writing career, to say more about my two books that are forthcoming this year.

Instead, my heart is not really in it, because I have another old cat dying. This time it is 18-year-old Seryozha, and after one day of being hospitalized at the vet hospital (I couldn't afford to keep him there any longer) there is fluid in his lungs and stomach, and basically his days are numbered. The tests of that fluid came in today and they are inconclusive.... The next possibility of diagnosis is an ultrasound, but frankly it is pretty much hopeless, even if they find a decisive growth and cancer cells, because finding those things does not mean they can do something about it, especially on such an old cat. And, I had already spent $$$ on Masha earlier this past month, and I just maxed out my credit card and went overlimit for Seryozha's stay.

But that's not the point. The point is, it is useless. If there was hope, I'd get the money from somewhere to keep going.

Finally, there are two more old cats, also 18, who are in pretty poor shape at home, and they can go at any moment too. If that happens, I would have lost 4 cats out of 8 in a very short amount of time... but I am not thinking that far ahead just yet.

One at a time.

I am feeling pretty numb lately. Numb emotionally, and even writing doesn't seem to help. In fact, the writing is suffering. They say that hardship and psychological pain makes you write with more insight and wisdom. But after a while, when there is too much of it, when you reach a certain point, your brain just shuts down, and with it your emotions. And when your emotions are abnormally low, so is creativity, I strongly believe.

Thus, I wrote about 1,000 words of my collection DREAMS OF THE COMPASS ROSE (now over 91,000 words and still not done) over the last 2 days, and I felt nothing. I am reading back over what I wrote and it is bugging me that as I read it, I cannot feel it. There is something wrong. It is similar to hearing a thing over and over, and instead of comprehending it, it begins to sound like white noise.

When you lose all feeling, even in the writing, that's pretty darn bad. It's a very rare thing for me to be numb like this.

No wonder I don't really feel like writing this journal. Just wanted to keep you updated in case you're wondering where I've gone after all the earlier energetic happy hooplah.

One day at a time.

01-01-01

NEWSFLASH!

Happy New Year, Century, and Millennium!

The Premiere Issue of Veraworld has gone out. :-)

And now we begin anew....

What a lovely and dangerous thing it is, a blank slate. :-)