PerSimmons:

Horror Movie Survival Tips

 

 

 

After you've acquainted yourself with THE BASICS, review the finer points, grouped by category below...

 

HOME, SWEAT HOME (No, it's not a typo)

 

BUILDINGS / REAL ESTATE

 

ITEMS

 

DOLLS

 

ANIMALS

 

KIDS! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KIDS, TODAY?

 

PEOPLE

 

DEMONS AND DEVILS AND HELL, OH MY!

 

SEX

 

TRAVEL

 

SPLISH, SPLASH

 

MISCELLANY

 

THE BAD THING

 

SYNCHRONICITY

 

WEAPONS & STRATEGY

 

THE REALM OF GOD

 

FIRST AID

 

TELEPHONES: REACH OUT & "TOUCH" SOMEONE

 

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

 

LOOSE ENDS

 

Attitude is Everything

 

1) Skeptics are always proved wrong in some horrible, nasty, painful way.  Be a believer.

 

2) People driven by vengeance always die.

 

3) Mentioning any goals in life, anything to look forward to, or any loved ones, will get you killed.

 

4) Feel no guilt.

 

5) Don't be a smart-ass.  It'll only get you killed.

 

6) The boogieman IS coming to get you, so you better start believing in him fast.

 

7) If you get dared to do anything, remember:  Darers go first!

 

8) When bad guys get angry, they don't make mistakes:  They just hurt you even more.  Don't taunt!

 

9) If you have witty lines AND top billing, that's a pretty good sign you're gonna live...(but not completely foolproof)

 

10) ...so Never be funnier than the main character.

 

11) Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

 

12) NEVER start crying/whining when the monster or villain has you cornered:  it wastes precious time that you could use to fight back and the monster or villain does not really give a damn about you, anyway. (At best, you're only entertaining your executioner.)

 

13) Never announce openly that you're not afraid, you don't believe, or that you're fully prepared.  You're just asking for it.

 

14) Curiosity kills.

 

15) If you "have a bad feeling about this," go with it and leave.

 

16) NEVER casually mention something like, "I have this horrible fear of water / asphyxiation / spiders / dead things / eyeballs".  The villain will bring these up in abundance in your next dream sequence.

 

17) If someone tells you a tale about a monster that used to hunt and kill people right around this area, don't say that you don't believe it.

 

18) If you think "this place is spooooky," remember that first impressions are dependable.

 

19) Grumpy, cranky old men have a 50/50 chance of survival.  Either you will be violently put out of your misery or you will redeem yourself by coming to your senses in the last 10 minutes of the movie to help stop the monster.

 

20) Even if you think that you can't stomach it, falling in love with the bad guy is probably better than the way they decide to kill you.

 

21) If you're a Priest, keep your faith.  You never know when your going to need to make something holy (water, stakes--be inventive).

 

22) Aliens only abduct people who don't believe in aliens -- so BELIEVE.

 

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