PerSimmons:

Horror Movie Survival Tips

 

 

After you've acquainted yourself with THE BASICS, review the finer points, grouped by category below...

 

HOME, SWEAT HOME (No, it's not a typo)

 

BUILDINGS / REAL ESTATE

 

ITEMS

 

DOLLS

 

ANIMALS

 

KIDS! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KIDS, TODAY?

 

PEOPLE

 

DEMONS AND DEVILS AND HELL, OH MY!

 

SEX

 

TRAVEL

 

SPLISH, SPLASH

 

MISCELLANY

 

THE BAD THING

 

SYNCHRONICITY

 

WEAPONS & STRATEGY

 

THE REALM OF GOD

 

FIRST AID

 

TELEPHONES: REACH OUT & "TOUCH" SOMEONE

 

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

 

LOOSE ENDS

 

First-Aid

 

1) If you are wounded by flesh-eating zombies, abandon all hope, because sooner or later, no matter how many antibiotics you take, yer gonna develop a taste fer "braines!"  (See: Zombie Food Pyramid)

 

2) Never try to rescue your half-eaten companion.  Remember, if more than his/her foot or hand is eaten, he/she is basically dead!  There is no way that a person who has lost half of his body is going to recover and lead a productive life.  Shoot them in the name of mercy and move on.

 

3) When your loved one is infected/assimilated/zombified/possessed or whatever--and someone grabs your arm and says 'It's too late for her/him'--BELIEVE THEM!  Shoot the former human and/or provide them with the best cremation that circumstances permit.  Say a word or two, cherish a memory BUT get the hell away from there as soon as possible!

 

4) If you are the main character, take the time to learn basic first aid, as you WILL break / sprain / strain / lacerate / dislocate some part of your body as you are fighting or running from the monster.

5) Never allow yourself to be in bad physical condition.

 

6) Never take any medication -- its either going to make you too drowsy to escape or will somehow get switched with something fatal.

 

7) Nine out of ten times "First Aid" is synonymous with "Last Rites."

 

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