PerSimmons:

Horror Movie Survival Tips

 

 

After you've acquainted yourself with THE BASICS, review the finer points, grouped by category below...

 

HOME, SWEAT HOME (No, it's not a typo)

 

BUILDINGS / REAL ESTATE

 

ITEMS

 

DOLLS

 

ANIMALS

 

KIDS! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KIDS, TODAY?

 

PEOPLE

 

DEMONS AND DEVILS AND HELL, OH MY!

 

SEX

 

TRAVEL

 

SPLISH, SPLASH

 

MISCELLANY

 

THE BAD THING

 

SYNCHRONICITY

 

WEAPONS & STRATEGY

 

THE REALM OF GOD

 

FIRST AID

 

TELEPHONES: REACH OUT & "TOUCH" SOMEONE

 

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

 

LOOSE ENDS

 

 

Loose Ends

 

1) If you're the the last main character left and people are still hunting for the monster(s), DON'T stand out in the open because you will immediately be mistaken for one with fatal results.

 

2) In general, since only one or two people ever make it out alive, if the monster appears to be dead but there are more than a couple of folks in your party still standing...be very, very worried!

 

3) If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.

 

4) Whenever you have just "presumably" slain the monster, villain, etc., do not turn to a fellow survivor for a hug.

 

5) Never say, "It's over", "It's dead", or "I killed it".

 

6) The monster is never dead until everyone else is!

 

7) If you should happen to be one of the fortunate few to actually make it through the film alive, NEVER, EVER sign on to do a sequel.  If you do, expect to depart this world in the first five minutes.

 

8) In a sequel, never EVER go back to the town where the original horror happened.  If you do, you're just asking for it.

 

9) If the audience doesn't think the movie is over, it's probably not over; so watch them and watch your back.

 

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